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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400952">Undealt trauma</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/elias030/pseuds/elias030'>elias030</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Kageyama Tobio, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Dyslexic Kageyama Tobio, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, Insecurity, Kageyama Kazuyo's Death, Kageyama Tobio Angst, Kageyama Tobio Needs Therapy, Kageyama Tobio Needs a Hug, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Kageyama Tobio trying to smile, Kageyama is Insecure, Learning Disabilities, Manga Spoilers, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, Other, Platonic Relationships, Shimizu Kiyoko is a Good Senpai, Slight mention of Autistic traits, Sugawara Koushi is a good senpai, Undealt Trauma, headcanons, no beta we die like men</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:19:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,675</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28400952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/elias030/pseuds/elias030</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama wasn't sure of what had happened to him.</p><p>Of what had erased the cute smile and the child-like wonder from his face, because now, his smile wasn't the same as before.</p><p>Nothing was.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>552</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He wasn't sure of what happened to him.</p><p> </p><p>To his smile.</p><p> </p><p>He looked at the picture of himself and his sister resting in his soft hands, both of them smiling, his older sister had longer hair back then, a flower crown resting on her head. He saw himself next to her, he looked around nine, small flowers braided on his soft dark locks, cobalt shiny eyes looking up at the camera. A bright smile adorning his face, softening his expression, his sister looking as happy as him, his grandfather had taken that picture.</p><p> </p><p>And now?</p><p> </p><p>Just a fifteen year old standing in front of the bathroom mirror, his sister living in Tokyo and coming home every two months, his grandfather passed away last year, but it sure felt like he had died last week. And the boy's smile?</p><p> </p><p>It just wasn't the same anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing was the same, not even the house felt the same.</p><p> </p><p>It felt so damn empty, dark and cold, it wasn't cozy, it wasn't warm, it wasn't home anymore.</p><p> </p><p>He didn't have a home anymore.</p><p> </p><p>He didn't really felt like he needed one neither, he felt so detached from the house, it was like entering an unknown place, what felt the most familiar to him was the court.</p><p> </p><p>But not even then he felt comfortable, and that's why he was standing in his bathroom like an idiot.</p><p> </p><p>You see... ever since middle school he has had even more problems socializing and expressing what he felt.</p><p> </p><p>Before it was easier, since joy and excitement had always been easy to express for him.</p><p> </p><p>It was genuine.</p><p> </p><p>But now, he even struggled in letting people know that he wasn't angry al the time, it remimded him of something his grandfather told him once.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>''When you were younger, people would get close to you, greeting you happily and saying how cute you and your eyes were, but you never answered, you just stared up at them with your big eyes until they got uncomfortable, it wasn't until you were seven that you started greeting people and you started being respectful, you lil brat'' His grandfather had said smiling, while rustling his hair. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was really hard for him, he had tried to watch people and then act out their expressions, but his gaze was so intense that they ended up noticing and walking away.</p><p> </p><p>And even when he tried, it just looked so tense and fake, he had learned the bad way today, after Hinata had told him that his face was scary at the match, he had tried to mimic Sugawara san's smile, but Hinata ended up running away in fear, and his teammates had paralized in fear(or maybe surprise?) for a moment, he couldn't tell which one of them was. But he had felt so hurt that they had reacted that way, especially Hinata, how dare he say that his face is scary and then ran away when he tries to appear nicer?? That dumbass.</p><p> </p><p>So there he was, trying to figure out why he couldn't smile the same way as before, frowning in confussion.</p><p> </p><p>It's not like anything had happened to him.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, his parents didn't even live at his house, he understood, but they payed the bills and sent him money for groceries, they didn't have the obligation to do anything else after all.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, his sister had left home, he understood, but she tried to visit from time to time, she didn't have the obligation to take care of him.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, his grandfather, his only parental figure had passed away, but those things happen, it was only natural, he understood.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, his volleyball team had left him in the middle of a match, he understood, he deserved it anyway.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, he was very lonely, and he had taken care of himself basically ever since he was thirteen/fourteen, but he was used to it.</p><p> </p><p>So why...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why had he changed so much?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>and why did it hurt so bad?...</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He felt so frustrated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No matter how hard he tried, his smile would come out as awkward, rigid, and intimidating. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>But there was other weird thing, it was almost as if he was holding back himself a bit, making his smile all wobbly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>His frown of concentration certainly didn't help either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His hands unconciously got together, his palms colliding in spasms of pent up frustration, as he walked towards the kitchen, a scowl on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He went for some milk to try and relax, maybe that would help him? He really liked milk, especially warm one when he needed to relax.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He heated up some milk as he pondered a bit...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When his milk was ready he grabbed it and started to walk towards the bathroom again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'Gonna drink milk in the bathroom, just like normal teenagers do' He thought sarcastically.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>'damn you Hinata, making me-' He froze at the door of the bathroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Why was he doing this again?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Because people got scared of his smile.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>But why did he care? He wasn't even close to them.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Because he didn't want to scare them away.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>By doing what? Being himself? </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Exactly.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Can't he just be himself? They would probably accept him.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>They aren't even his friends.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>But they could be, they seemed nice.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oikawa san seemed nice too.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>''tch'' </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He finished his milk, and he looked up, locking gaze with his mirror reflection.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A look in his eyes that he hadn't seen in almost a year.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked completely lost.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That day, he walked out of the bathroom, with his cup of mik in hand, and confusion infesting his brain.</p><p> </p><p>...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He didn't act upon that confusion during weeks.</p><p> </p><p>When he arrived to the empty house he started to actually think about it, since he couldn't help but  remember the echo of his grandparent's and his sister's laughter when he arrived home.</p><p> </p><p>When he cooked for himself, he remembered the soft humming of his grandpa, singing whatever was on the radio.</p><p> </p><p>While having a bath he remembered the water fights he would have with his sister when he was a small child, followed by his grandpa's half hearted reprimands, amuse softening his expressions.</p><p> </p><p>While brushing his hair he remembered both his sister and his grandpa, his grandpa softly drying his hair with a towel, and his sister who had gone off to Tokyo and started working as a hair and makeup artist.</p><p> </p><p>While brushing his teeth he remembered doing it next to Miwa, the two of them agressively brushing their own teeth as if competing to see who was the best.</p><p> </p><p>While laying down trying to sleep, he remembered what happened after his grandfather's death, since after that happened Miwa stayed at home for a couple days, but each night both siblings would fall asleep together, hugging eachother close, not wanting to let go.</p><p> </p><p>Even months after, Tobio couldn't fall asleep if he wasn't hugging a pillow, feeling calm, as if the pillow could shut down the buzzing of his thoughts, as he drifted to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>But as he remembered, his heart kept hurting, but he didn't know why.</p><p> </p><p>It hurt, but he didn't understand why.</p><p> </p><p>Since that hurt didn't help in anything, it just made it hard for him everytime he thought about his family.</p><p> </p><p>That hurt wasn't even necessary, his sister wasn't dead, she was just in Tokyo, and his grandfather had passed away months ago! Then why??</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why couldn't he just move on?</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He didn't let his emotions interfere with practice.</p><p> </p><p>Even if he felt anxious he went to practice.</p><p> </p><p>Even if he felt tired he went to practice.</p><p> </p><p>But the hardest thing was going when he felt like everything was just too much.</p><p> </p><p>Tanaka and Noya's screaming, laughing and yelling was too much.</p><p> </p><p>Hinata's squeaky shoes were too much.</p><p> </p><p>The lights above him were too much.</p><p> </p><p>It felt as if everything was a burden, that made his head hurt, and his eyes sting.</p><p> </p><p>But there was no way in hell, he was letting himself cry in front of them.</p><p> </p><p>He felt the urge to cover his eyes, he felt the urge to cover his ears.</p><p> </p><p>He felt restless and he felt extremely uncomfortable, he wanted to go to his house, he wanted to lock himself from everything, he wanted to lay down in the darkness and silence of what used to be a home.</p><p> </p><p>In scenarios like this, he aprecciated the coldness of the place.</p><p> </p><p>When he needed to feel like he was alone in the world.</p><p> </p><p>Unluckily, that feeling entered his body every single time he opened the door to his house.</p><p> </p><p>Not only when he needed it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>....</p><p> </p><p>She wasn't expecting to help someone today.</p><p> </p><p>Much less her kohai, Kageyama Tobio.</p><p> </p><p>Looking back, he was never disrespectful, he had always seemed like an intense, yet polite kid, not really mistreating his senpais, and that image of him had stuck with her.</p><p> </p><p>Even after Tsukishima revealing how he treated his middle school team, no one had actually judged him because of it, well maybe Tsukishima, no one could really tell.</p><p> </p><p>But the boy had improved a lot in the time he had been with the team, well, maybe not that much in communication, but he was trying.</p><p> </p><p>She had never payed much attention to him, the boy was more of a calming presence to her, especially because he never reacted on a weird way around her, he just treated her like a senpai, nothing more, nothing less.</p><p> </p><p>But today, Kageyama was definitely acting weird.</p><p> </p><p>He was irritable, he squinted at the lights, and he shivered whenever Tanaka and Nishinoya's screaming got louder.</p><p> </p><p>She also noticed how a couple of times, his hand had collided on what looked like spasms, they were small, and no one noticed, only she did.</p><p>'Could it be?... No, I don't think so...'</p><p>But maybe, just maybe.... She knew what to do.</p><p>It depended on the person, but she knew what to do in general.</p><p>Help the person to be in a place of comfort.</p><p>But how could she do that? Well, Tanaka and Nishinoya were practicing serves and recieves, and they looked very much into it, but Hinata was very much concentrated in Kageyama, asking for sets left and right.</p><p>She accidentaly made eye contact with Sugawara.</p><p>She made a signal for him to come closer, as the boy confusedly started walking towards her.</p><p>''Did anything happen?''</p><p>''Could you ask Kageyama to come here for a bit?'' She asked, as the boy just looked a bit confused.</p><p>''What for?''</p><p>''I'll explain it later, in private'' Sugawara nodded, but he looked lost in thought.</p><p>He walked up to Kageyama and said something to him, and then he offered to set to Hinata until Kageyama returned.</p><p>The first year walked up to his senpai, he also looked a bit confused.</p><p>''Kageyama kun, could you come with me to the club room?''</p><p>The boy looked like he was struggling to pick up what she was saying, bit finally he asked:</p><p>''What for? And why do you need me?''</p><p>The girl's eyes softened.</p><p>''I'll explain there, don't worry about it.''</p><p>''Ok.''</p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>When the two figures left the gym, Sugawara turned to Hinata.</p><p> </p><p>''Hey Hinata, did you notice anything weird about Kageyama??''</p><p>''About Bakayama?mmm... He did look angrier.''</p><p>''He looked a bit uncomfortable'' Asahi joined the conversation.</p><p>''Maybe he had a boner-''</p><p>''T a n a k a-''</p><p>''I know, I know!!''</p><p>Yamaguchi and Tsukishima also got closer.</p><p>''Kageyama did seem irritable'' Said Yamaguchi.</p><p>''maybe his head hurt? He looked like he was in pain.'' Commented Nishinoya.</p><p>The team pondered, since Kageyama was easy to read, but it was very difficult to tell what was causing what he was feeling, well, it's not like they expected to be able and read his mind, but it would be easier if they knew more about him.</p><p>''What do we know about Kageyama?...''</p><p>''What do you mean Asahi?'' Asked Sawamura.</p><p>''I mean, it's easy to read him and all but, we don't know him enough to tell what makes him uncomfortable nor what makes him feel better, I mean, he feels better while playing volleyball, but now it seems that volleyball isn't helping- Suga stop staring at me...''</p><p>''I'm just happy you've finally mastered the art of being a senpai'' He said, and then proceeded to punch him in the arm, which made Asahi yelp.</p><p>''I mean he likes milk...'' Said Yachi, who was busy picking up the volley balls.</p><p>''Yeah but that won't help, he's not some kind of  baby or anything'' Sighed Tanaka.</p><p>''You sure of that?'' Murmured Tsukishima, which made Yamaguchi snicker.</p><p>''But Asahi does have a point, we don't know much about Kageyama, I mean, we don't know much about the first years, but Kageyama is on another level.'' Said Nishinoya.</p><p>Sawamura hummed.</p><p>''What if we do some kind of uhhh, team... bonding? Like just go to someone's house one day and try to know eachother better?''</p><p>''That sounds like fun!!'' Suddenly exclaimed Hinata, who was a lot quieter than usual before. 'That's so teamlike!' He thought happily.</p><p>''Well, we can discuss it more when Kiyoko and Kageyama come back''</p><p>''What are they doing anyway?'' Murmured Tanaka.</p><p>''Don't worry, she's just going to help him, I have a feeling that she knows what she's doing'' Said Suga, to then rub his bald head.</p><p>'Or at least I hope so, since none of us actually know how to do that.'</p><p>Sugawara sighed.</p><p>'Kageyama, if only you knew how much the team cares about you, I hope one day you can tell us how you feel.'</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He spaced out for a moment.</p><p>The loud noises from the gym felt distant, as he squinted due to his eyes burning.</p><p>His head felt heavy, and his shoulders felt tense.</p><p>Everything felt far away, like his conciousness was retreating to the back of his mind.</p><p>''..eyama.''</p><p>Huh?</p><p>''Kageyama''</p><p>Ah, it was Sugawara san.</p><p>''Oh sorry, what happened?''</p><p>''Nothing to worry about!'' The older boy brushed it off with a movement his hand. ''But Kiyoko needs your help with something, I'll be training with Hinata until you come back''</p><p>His senpai smiled, it was a warm smile that he could never give to anyone.</p><p>No one would be happy to see him smile.</p><p>''Uh, sure...'' He didn't feel very convinced, he was about to ask him why did Kiyoko need HIM in particular, but he knew better now.</p><p>He needed to shut up most of the time.</p><p>He walked up to the beautiful girl, his ears still ringing, and his head still clouded.</p><p>''Kageyama kun, could you come with me to the club room?''</p><p>He was struggling to pick up what she was saying, but finally he asked.</p><p>''What for? And why do you need me?''</p><p>The girl's eyes softened.</p><p>''I'll explain there, don't worry about it.''</p><p>''Ok.''</p><p>She turned around as both of them walked to the club room in silence, it was kinda nice, actually.</p><p>When they entered, she didn't turn on the lights, so the room was being iluminated by the natural light from the sun, which was now warm.</p><p>''So, what did you need, Shimizu senpai?''</p><p>''Nothing really.''</p><p>''Then why did you-''</p><p>The girl turned around, softly frowning.</p><p>''I just thought that you looked stressed, and I thought that a calmer environment would help.''</p><p>It did help, in the cold room with deemed lighting his head felt better, but at the same time his eyes were watering even more, as if the exhaustion had caused tears to form.</p><p>''Oh, how did you notice?'' </p><p>Probably in an ideal escenario he would've thanked the girl, but instead his curiousity took the wheel and he ended up asking the question.</p><p>She didn't seem to mind.</p><p>''It happens to me sometimes, everything just feels like it's too much and I leave Hitoka chan in charge for a moment while I come here to calm down.''</p><p>Kageyama nodded.</p><p>''I' leave you alone for a moment, you can try and calm down, sometimes playing with a volley ball helps, put it close to your ear and tapping on it is relaxing, the sounds, I mean.''</p><p>''Ok, I'll try it.''</p><p>She girl gave a small smirk, as she exited the room, but she stood near the closed door.</p><p>Kageyama's head was buzzing less now, but he did feel a bit... fuzzy....</p><p>He walked up to a volley ball that was randomly laying on the ground, he sat next to it, his back on the cold wall and his knees close to his chest.</p><p>He grabbed it and started to slowly play with it, rotating it between his fingers, feeling the familiar texture and the edges of the material.</p><p>He closed his eyes, as he moved it closer to his face, and started tapping on it.</p><p>It did feel nice.</p><p>He let out some breath, as he got it on his ear, now the sound sounding clearer, it was very relaxing.</p><p>He opened his eyes, his mind and body felt less fuzzy, he felt like he could continue the rest of the day without much problems.</p><p>Yet, he still wanted a little bit of space, he put the volley ball away, now hugging his knees close to his chest, as he unconsiously started to move.</p><p>Back and forth.</p><p>Back and forth.</p><p>He rocked himself for some seconds, finally his mind getting to calm down.</p><p>He took a few breaths and he stood up, that made him a bit dizzy but the feeling quickly faded.</p><p>He walked over to the door, he knocked on it twice so his senpai wouldn't get badly startled and then he opened the door.</p><p>''Are you okay?'' The girl asked.</p><p>''Yes... thank you...''</p><p>They stood in silence for a moment, but the younger teen spoke up.</p><p>''Is there any other ways to cope with it? I mean, it doesn't happen to me that often but today for some reason...''</p><p>''I mean, since it's a sensory thing, I know that sports help to regulate your system, but also touching certain materials can help, I'm very fond of a handkerchief that I keep with myself all the time.''</p><p>''I really like a volley ball pillow that I have in my house, it's small and playing with it helps.''</p><p>The girl smiled, ''Yes, that sort of things help regulate your system, but there's also auditory ones like clapping, or tapping your fingers on the table...''</p><p>''That sounds interesting, how much do you know about those things?''</p><p>''Quite a lot, we can talk about it later, we can chat about it.''</p><p>''Chat as in, a chat like here or a chat via messenger?''</p><p>''Via messenger, I'll write a message to you when I get home.''</p><p>''Oh, ok then''</p><p>''Do you feel any better? Sorry, you probably would've prefered to stay in silence...''</p><p>''ah- it's okay! I do feel better, don't worry...''</p><p>They smiled, well, it was more like a smirk for both cases.</p><p>''Let's head back then, Tobio kun.'' The girl said while closing the door.</p><p>The boy unconsiously relaxed.</p><p>''Ok, Kiyoko san.'' </p><p>Both of them walked in silence, enjoying the calming presence of each other.</p><p>They got to the gym and Kiyoko opened the door, the team was together in the middle of the court, where Hinata and Kageyama usually trained.</p><p>Daichi looked up and smiled</p><p>''Ah, Kiyoko, Kageyama, come here, we were waiting for you''</p><p>Both of then were confused, but the girl had a bit of an idea what was happening, yet, she couldn't help to tilt her head to the side a bit.</p><p>The boy next to her did it too, but a small frown and the tiniest of the confused pouts joined.</p><p>Tanaka and Nishinoya almost screamed when their beloved Kiyoko san did such adorable gesture.</p><p>The two black haired teens walked up to their team.</p><p>''So,'' started Sugawara ''who can offer their house for a sleepover?''</p><p>''. . .''</p><p>''I would offer mine but my sister...'' started Tanaka.</p><p>''Yeah, mine's not good either.'' Said Nishinoya.</p><p>''I would offer mine but I don't think we'll fit'' said Ennoshita, most agreeded.</p><p>Also, a lot of the team members had siblings and it wouldn't be easy to get them out of their business.</p><p>''We need a house and the ideal is that with no families, we don't want to disturb them, anyone with big house and with parents at some business trip?''</p><p>Kageyama hesitated, he didn't even know what they were planning on doing but...</p><p>It would be nice, having someone at home.</p><p>''um, my house is kinda big, my parents are on a business trip and my sister is in tokyo, she won't visit soon I think'' He said, realizing that his voice sounded dry, and his throat felt dry.</p><p>He coughed.</p><p>Hinata was looking at him with wide eyes.</p><p>''you have a sISTER?''</p><p>''huh, yeah?...''</p><p>''WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?''</p><p>''why would I have to tell you??? You never asked??''</p><p>Daichi interrupted their argument.</p><p>''How big is your house?''</p><p>''We have four rooms counting mine, there's the kitchen, two bathrooms, and the dinning room is connected to the living room, you guys can help me move the furniture and we'll fit there easily.''</p><p>''Dang that's a big house'' said Kinoshita.</p><p>''We also have a volleyball court on the backyard, with a small garden.''</p><p>''You have a volleyball court'' said Hinata in awe.</p><p>''It's not that big and it's basically just concrete floor with a net..''</p><p>''Still, that's cool.''</p><p>''They built the court because you liked volleyball?'' Asked Tanaka, impressed.</p><p>''uh, I'm not sure why, it had been there for as long as I remember, I don't know if they put it up because of my sister or because my granpa wanted to teach us volleyball from home.''</p><p>''Is he a coach?'' Asked Tadashi.</p><p>Kageyama nodded, not wanting to correct him.</p><p>''That's so cool...'' </p><p>''Well, so, could we have the sleepover there? We were thinking about having some team bonding.'' Said Sugawara.</p><p>Ah, so that's what they wanted to do.</p><p>''Sure, I don't mind, my parents don't either, as long as we don't burn the house down.''</p><p>''You heard that Noya san, cancel the plans.''</p><p>''T a n a k a-''</p><p>''I  k n o w.''</p><p>''Well then, we can chat about it later, everybody go home'' Said Daichi.</p><p>''But-'' Hinata tried to argue, but Daichi's stare was negative.</p><p>The team parted ways, after Kageyama and Hinata parted ways, the younger one walked silently.</p><p>When he arrived home, he took a quick shower, he made dinner for himself, he ate alone.</p><p>He brushed his teeth, he put on pijamas and layed down on his bed, the small plushie he commented to Shi- Kiyoko san close to him.</p><p>He remembered what the girl had said.</p><p>He took his phone resting on his nightstand and he went to messenger.</p><p>
  <strong>Unknown number:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Hello Tobio-kun.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>This is Kiyoko, I told you we could chat from here, add my contact.</strong>
</p><p>The boy changed the name to: Kiyoko Senpai.</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Done, let's chat more tomorrow.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <b>-Sure! Can't wait :) rest well, Tobio.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Tobio-kun:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-Rest well, Kiyoko san :).</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He turned off his phone.</p><p>He stared at his ceiling.</p><p>He wondered if he was doing the right thing, afterall...</p><p>He didn't want to be alone anymore.</p><p>Maybe...</p><p>Just maybe...</p><p>Everything was going to be alright.</p><p>At least, that's what he hoped.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Aaaaa it's finally done, I really wanted to write Tobio interacting with kiyoko, they just seem like they would get along really well :))</p><p>By the way, i tried to explain stimming in the best way i could, i'm autistic but i'm sure that it's different for everyone, i hope the explanation wasn't confusing :(</p><p>Next chapter will be done in a few days i hope, i'll try to explain more about sensory issues in the best way i know, i hope you'll like it :))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He felt better now.</p><p>The last two nights had been very difficult for him, it took him like three hours to fall asleep, making him sleep waaaay past his bedtime, which had probably led him to be more irritated.</p><p>But thanks to Kiyoko Senpai's advice he was able to sleep better, and he didn't felt that bad that day, he wasn't completely okay now, but he was better.</p><p>Baby steps, Tobio, baby steps.</p><p>When he went down to the kitchen after getting dressed, he stopped at the kitchen door.</p><p>So this was one of those days, huh?</p><p>His parents were never home, except once every six months, when he would wake up and there'd be breakfast for him, a homemade luch and ocasionally a lunch.</p><p>'So mom was home last night...''</p><p>He approached the table and he grabbed the note, it said:</p><p>''Hi Tobio I don't care about you &lt;3</p><p>We haven't had time to visit you because we are obsessed with our careers!!</p><p>I made your sister's favourite food because I don't remember yours lol.</p><p>Your dad is coming home while you are not there because we do not want to make contact with you :D.</p><p>I don't love you so I won't write it.</p><p>-Your mother.''</p><p>Just kidding it didn't say that, but to Tobio it sure did, two years ago he would've fallen for it, but after they didn't show up for Kazuyo san's funeral, he started to dislike everything they said.</p><p>He understood that they didn't have to be there for him but come on...</p><p>This is what the note actually said.</p><p>-<em>Hello Tobio, hope you are doing well&lt;3</em></p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry we haven't visited you in so long, we have so much work!!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I made you some rice and pork, your favourite :)) </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wanted to tell you to not freak out, today Kaito is passing by the house to get some stuff while you're at school, I would do it myself but I'm way too busy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>XOXO, Haruka.</em>
</p><p>He sighed and sat down, crumbling the paper on his hand and tossing it into the garbage can.</p><p>He microwaved the breakfast his mother had cooked for him.</p><p>When he took a bite, it was still cold.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>At lunch he usually sat alone, Hinata and Yachi had their own friends, and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi ate together, Tobio just sat on a corner eating the luch his mom had done.</p><p>The rice was sticky and the meat was surprisingly dry, he cooked better than that.</p><p>''Woah Kageyama your lunch looks so bad'' </p><p>Nishinoya san??</p><p>''Nishinoya???'' Asahi exclaimed behind the short boy, sounding concerned, as Tanaka and Sugawara laughed on the background.</p><p>''Did you make that yourself?'' Asked Daichi, sitting next to him, he sounded pitiful.</p><p>''No, it was my mom, she's not very good at cooking.''</p><p>''I thought you said that she was on a business trip'' Said Tanaka, with suspicion on his eyes.</p><p>''She passed by home today to tell me that it would last two more weeks instead of one, this is her way of making up to me.'' He almost got scared of how easy he lied to his seniors.</p><p>''Oh...'' Said Asahi, looking down.</p><p>''Did you guys need anything?''</p><p>''Why do you ask?''</p><p>''You usually don't sit with me at lunch, Sugawara san...'' no one does, actually...</p><p>''Ah we wanted to know a bit more about how we'll do the sleepover, do you have futons at home?'' Asked Daichi.</p><p>''No, you have to bring your own, you could also bring sleeping bags.''</p><p>The senior nodded.</p><p>''Sleeping bags then.''</p><p>''And the food?'' Asked Tanaka.</p><p>''We could always order fast food.'' Responded Nishinoya, still analizing Kageyama's lame excuse of a lunch.</p><p>''We can discuss about the food at the moment, I just wanted to know about what we needed to bring with anticipation.''</p><p>The rest of the lunch break was interrupted by his teammates talking about... he didn't know what they were talking about, he didn't pay attention.</p><p>Practice that day was normal too,with the exception that Kiyoko smiled towards him and waved, which he reciprocated with a small wave(before checking that there was no one behind him).</p><p>Walking home he knew he needed help with the hole sleepover thing, but who could he ask?</p><p>Certainly not the first years nor the second years, and he was still a bit intimidated by the third years.</p><p>Hinata? He was the closest to him... no, he would make it a big deal.</p><p>Yachi? He was almost sure that she was affraid of him.</p><p>If he asked Yamaguchi, chances are that Tsukishima would know too.</p><p>Sugawara san? Yeah he was nice, but he was embarassed to tell him.</p><p>His sister Miwa would totally come back home just to witness his 'baby tobio' at an actual sleepover. </p><p>He'd ask Kiyoko san then.</p><p>While he walked, he opened messenger and started texting her.</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Kiyoko senpai, may I ask you something?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Sure! What is it Tobio-kun?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Um, it's about the sleepover with the team, I'm not sure about what am I supposed to do? Do I have to make a house tour?? Do I have to clean my closet??? Will they see my closet????</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Tobio-kun calm down!! They will only see the places of the house that you allow them to, maybe some of them will still try to get in there but they should respect your boundaries. Is this your first sleepover?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-... is it that obvious?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-A bit, but dw about it :) Well, you will probably have to do small house tour first, so they know where the bathroom, the kitchen and your room is(you won't be able to get them out of there, sadly) but they'll stay the mayority of the time at the living room and kitchen.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Oh, okay! You and Yachi-san are not staying?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Only during the day, Hitoka chan's mom doesn't let her stay at a sleepover full of guys, we'll have our own sleepover at her house :)</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-That sounds nice, I have to go now Kiyoko Senpai, thanks for the help!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-You're welcome Tobio-kun, have a good night :))</strong>
</p><p>Tobio reached his door, he put his phone on his pocket to get out his keys, he opened the door and entered the cold house.</p><p>The house had a purple/orange light due to the sunset.</p><p>He was a bit curious about what had his father come to take, so he walked up to the bedroom of his parents.</p><p>He didn't bother enough to turn on the lights, he could still see afterall.</p><p>He opened the door to his parent's room.</p><p>His breath got caught on his throat.</p><p>He wasn't seeing correctly, right?</p><p>It was the poor ilumination, right?</p><p>He blindly reached for the switch.</p><p>He blinked to get used to the white light.</p><p>It was as if thousands of needles had gotten stuck on this throat and chest.</p><p>The bed, the nightstand, the clothes on the open closet.</p><p>They were all gone.</p><p>All of his parent's things were gone.</p><p>His parents were gone.</p><p>And they weren't coming back.</p><p>Just the memory of cold, dry food and cigarette smell stayed.</p><p>It's not like they were ever there.</p><p>So it didn't matter, right?</p><p>But then why...</p><p>Why did it feel like his chest was cut open?</p><p>As if he had been stabbed and let to bleed out, he sat on the room's doorway with blurry vision, and then passed out.</p><p>But the pain didn't subside.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Miwa had finally fallen asleep at a decent hour, instead of staying up until 5am she managed to sleep at 11pm, which was a rare thing for her.</p><p>It was now 4am and the young woman was sleeping curled up on her bed, her roomate Alisa sleeping on the room next to her.</p><p>Just as she was about to roll out of her bed while she slept, her ringtone went off.</p><p>''...shit''</p><p>She reached blindly for her phone, squinting due to the sudden light coming from her phone.</p><p>She checked who was calling, it was Tobio, her baby brother.</p><p>She picked up, while sitting up and rubbing her eye with her left hand.</p><p>''Tobio?... what's the matter, it's four am...''</p><p>''I'm sorry Miwa-nee, I-I can call you later I d-didn't check the time...''</p><p>''No, it's okay! I'm up now anyways'' She finally opened her eyes fully, she felt awake now, concern filling her mind, her brother's voice sounded raspy and he sounded panicked.</p><p>''What happened Tobio? Something with your team?''</p><p>''No, that's not it, I just... you know how mom passes by from time to time, leaves a meal and a note?''</p><p>''uhum'' she hummed absently, struggling to reach for the switch of her lamp, she turned it on, the warm light iluminating the room.</p><p>''T-this time she said that dad would  home while I was at school, I came home and I wanted to know what dad had taken away with him...'' at the, end the boy's voice wavered, he sounded upset.</p><p>''What did they took baby?''</p><p>''They- they took all of their stuff, they're gone Miwa...'' The boy's voice cracked, and then he let out a shaky breath.</p><p>Miwa's eyes widened, her free hand flew upwards, covering her mouth, she felt nauseous.</p><p>''Oh my god Tobi, is everything okay? Are you alright?'' She really couldn't think much further, she felt furious.</p><p>Those bastards, they were wealthy and succesfull, they hadn't lived at their house in Miyagi for years! They had other properties and they must've had everything they took from the house.</p><p>The hand covering her shocked face went down and clenched the warm bedsheets under her, using all of the force she could.</p><p>This wasn't just some ''haha i need a bed, son!'' this was a ''Hey! Rely on us even less, we don't want you to have hopes on us coming back home!''</p><p>''I-I'm shocked that's all.... I didn't expect them to take their things, I-I mean, they don't even need them, they just did it because- because they could!!''</p><p>''Yeah... Do you need me to come over soon? I don't know if I'll be able to go back this week, but I want to be there for you'' </p><p>If she couldn't be there while he grieved their granpa's death, she would be there while their parents left for good.</p><p>''I wouldn't want to be a bother to you Miwa-nee, you don't have to-''</p><p>''But I want to. I want to visit sooner, okay? You would never be a bother to me, Tobi''</p><p>''Okay, sorry for waking you up this late...''</p><p>''Don't worry about it, you needed support, I'm here for you.''</p><p>''...''</p><p>They stayed in silence for a moment.</p><p>''Hey Tobi?''</p><p>''...yeah?''</p><p>''We'll be fine, but I would like to ask you a favor.''</p><p>''What is it?''</p><p>''Try to talk about this to someone, maybe a friend?''</p><p>''I don't have any friends.''</p><p>''And you teammates? Or even that blocker blond kid I saw on one of the recordings?'' She changed the topic, trying to make her brother less upset by talking about volleyball.</p><p>''tsukishima??'' Miwa couldn't help but laugh at her brother's tone, he sounded both surprised and repulsed.</p><p>''I assume that you don't like that kid?''</p><p>''Of course not, he's almost worse than Oikawa-san!'' His pout was basically audible at this point.</p><p>''The senpai that wouldn't teach you how to serve?''</p><p>''That one!''</p><p>''What about the other setter? He had nice hair.''</p><p>''first, that's Sugawara-san. Second, stop paying so much attention to people's hairs.''</p><p>She rolled her eyes, laying on her back.</p><p>''I'm a hairstylist Tobio, it's my job. Anyways, how is this Suga?''</p><p>''He's nice, he really brings the team together, he said that I can count on him but we've never really talked.''</p><p>''The one with long hair then? Kinda wild.''</p><p>''Azumane-san would be proud of you calling him wild, but he's not wild at all, he's nice too but I think I creep him out, that's what Hinata said.''</p><p>''Who's Hinata?''</p><p>''The orange one''</p><p>''Aaaaaaah the one who jumps high! The middle blocker! The one who does the quick with you! You must be close to him right???''</p><p>''Eeeehhh??? I mean I've hanged out at his place and he practice together all the time but we don't really talk about our private stuff to eachother.''</p><p>''eeeeeh???? Why not!!''</p><p>''The topic never comes up???? I don't know???''</p><p>The woman sighed.</p><p>''What about the libero?''</p><p>''Nishinoya-san is nice too but he spends most of his time with Azumane-san or with Tanaka-san, sometimes Hinata, not with me.''</p><p>''Tanaka?''</p><p>''Bald.''</p><p>''The spiker??''</p><p>''Yeah, he's really loud, he's nice too but I don't think that we would get long that way, but he's never treated me badly.''</p><p>''Huh, how about the captain?''</p><p>''Sawamura-san is kinda bossy, well, that's because of the team, sometimes fights get too loud, but he's not bossy in a mean way, and he's really nice too.''</p><p>''And the server? The freckle guy?''</p><p>''Yamaguchi is nice too, but he usually spends time with Tsukishima, so I don't wanna get too close to him, but we get along well.''</p><p>''There's also Ennoshita, Narita and Kinoshita-san, but we haven't really talked, they seem nice too.''</p><p>''How are you not friends with anyone at your team?? You're very lovable to me'' She did the Kageyama Signature Pout™.</p><p>''If you told anyone at my team that I'm lovable they would laugh at your face, I don't come off as nice, Miwa-nee''</p><p>''Excuses Tobio-chan.''</p><p>''Stop giving me random nicknames.''</p><p>''Calm down blueberry spice.''</p><p>''What the fuck''</p><p>Miwa burst up laughing, before rapidly smacking her hand on her mouth, trying to stop giggling.</p><p>''You'll wake up your roomate, Miwa-nee.''</p><p>''Alisa is a heavy sleeper, don't worry.''</p><p>She heard her brother's sigh at the other side of the phone.</p><p>''Try to make friends soon Tobi, what will you do when your dear Miwa-neesan dies of old age?? I'm getting really old, baby!!''</p><p>''Miwa-nee, you are like 24-''</p><p>''I'm so old Tobio~~ and yet I don't even know how to be an adult yet~ Save me, switch spots with me~''</p><p>''I don't even want to know what you'd do if you were me-''</p><p>''Well I don't actually want to change spots with you, but I would like living in Miyagi again, the first thing I would do is try to get a date with your blond Coach, tell me, is he single-''</p><p>''Miwa you are a lesbian you are not even attracted to men-''</p><p>''WELL THAT'S TO BAD BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE HE WOULD TREAT ME RIGHT''</p><p>''YOU KNOW WHAT?? MAYBE HE WOULD, GUESS WHY? BECAUSE HE IS A GUY THAT COULD EASILY PASS AS FIFTY BECAUSE OF HIS ATTITUDE TOWARDS TEENAGERS EVEN THOUGH HE'S NOT EVEN THIRTY YET!! HE ACTS LIKE HE'S AN ELDER, HE EVEN SOUNDS LIKE ONE BECAUSE HE SMOKES EVERYDAY.''</p><p>''Why didn't you start by that? I hate cigarette smell.''</p><p>''Miwa you were about to start being attracted to men but the thing that stops you is cigarette smell????''</p><p>''Yeah.''</p><p>''I can't even deal with you anymore the hell-''</p><p>Miwa laughed again, her brother took everything so literal.</p><p>''You're adorable, Tobi.''</p><p>''No I'm not.''</p><p>''Sure~~''</p><p>''You're very annoying.''</p><p>''You hurt me so much.''</p><p>They continued talking for a while, keeping eachother company, and Miwa trying to convince her stubborn brother to go and try to make friends.</p><p>''How do you even befriend someone anyway??''</p><p>''You'll just know it!! But try to talk more about yourself Tobi.''</p><p>''Tch.''</p><p>''Well Tobio, we should really stop talking, it's like 5:30 now and I have work tomorrow morning.''</p><p>''Ugh, I have morning practice.''</p><p>''Skip it-''</p><p>''no.''</p><p>She chuckled.</p><p>''Goodbye Tobio, make friends, love you!!''</p><p>''...goodbye Miwa.''</p><p>''Say that you love me.''</p><p>''... i love you too Miwa-nee, bye.''</p><p>''Bye bye~''</p><p>''bye bye...''</p><p>And then she hung up, hoping her brother would follow the advice, and try to talk to someone.</p><p>Because Tobio had been left stranded the last months, because she wasn't there for him.</p><p>Because no one was there for him.</p><p>She just hoped that it would change soon.</p><p>It's not like he could hide the delight and the way he sounded more relieved while talking about his team, it was very endearing.</p><p>She just hoped that this team wouldn't leave him too, because the way Tobio rambled about his teammates was the same way the rambled about  Kitagawa Daiichi.</p><p>
  <em>''Iwaizumi-Senpai is very nice, he helps me out when Oikawa-san is being mean.''</em>
</p><p>
  <em>''Kindaichi is very cool too, he and Kunimi hang out with me, they want us to get together a Kunimi's''</em>
</p><p>She smiled fondly while remembering they way the younger boy's eyes brigthened exponentially while talking about his new teammates, and the way he looked at his senpais like they were the stars, something to reach out to.</p><p>She just hoped this team wouldn't harm him on that way, Tobio had changed a lot anyway.</p><p>He was a stronger boy now.</p><p>And she couldn't be prouder.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>He was at the last match he had with Kitagawa Daiichi.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He just had to set and they would be able to score the point, they just had to run faster, they had to jump better.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because he knew that they could, he was sure of it, why would he expect such things from them if he doubted that they could make it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He could make them win, they just had to try.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He set the ball, it flew backwards, he turned around expectantly, Kindaichi could be able to do it if he tried his hardes-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The ball fell in slowmotion, as it slammed against the floor with a thud.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dread filled his skin, cold water ran through his veins.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked up, the entire team was giving their backs at him, giving him weird stares, as if he were a stranger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked down, a big crack on the floor sepparating him from them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was benched.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ah, so he wasn't necessary afterall.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He was at a match with Karasuno, against Aoba Johsai.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He felt weird, the usually alligned lines on the court were now squiggly, his arms felt heavy, with every set, his precision got worse.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>''C'mon Kageyama! Just set the same way as before! I can't catch up!'' Hinata whined.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>''The king's tosses are back I see.'' Said Tsukishima, snickering againts his hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked up at his senpai's, they looked dissapointed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>''Don't be like that Kageyama, just do the usual.''</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The match continued, Kageyama getting worse at his game again and again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The team getting angrier and more dissapointed every time he messed up, Kindaichi and Kunimi seemed to enjoy it, being proud that everyone knew just how much of an asshole Kageyama was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was the set point.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The ball was sent to him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He set the ball, it flew backwards, he turned around expectantly, Hinata would be able to do it, he had made the exact same set several times before.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The ball fell in slowmotion, as it slammed against the floor with a thud.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dread filled his heart, cold ran through his veins.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked up, the entire time was giving their backs at him, giving him disgusted stares, as if he were a monster.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He looked down, a big crack on the floor sepparating him from them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, no.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This couldn't be happening.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karasuno couldn't be leaving him too, right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He wasn't being abandoned again right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The floor gave up under him, as he feel on the black void swallowing him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He heard the laughing of the rest, calling him a stupid king.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A narcissistic asshole.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He fell, and he kept falling.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, panic rushing through his veins.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'This is all your doing Kageyama, no one elses.'</em>
</p><p>And then he woke up, on the floor of his parent's empty room, hyperventilating.</p><p>He tried to breath, desperation clouding his mind.</p><p>When he managed to calm down a bit, he decided to call his older sister, he needed to talk to someone.</p><p>He needed to know that he wasn't completely alone.</p><p>For now, at least.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>After that long call with his sister, he didn't knew what to do with himself.</p><p>It was 5:30am, was it even worth it to try and sleep more?</p><p>His tired eyes screamed that yes, it was worth it, sadly, he usually woke up at 6:00am so he could only lay in bed and try to rest his eyes a bit, they did feel a bit swollen.</p><p>He layed down on his bed and he closed his eyes, his thoughts being plagged by the incesant reminder that his parents were g o n e.</p><p>
  <em>He had been abandoned again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>By his own parents.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn't even necessary, he hadn't seen them in years.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It wasn't a big deal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was not a big deal.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was his fault, it must have been.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because his parents loved him at some, point, didn't they? He had obviously done something wrong at some point of his childhood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His parents loved him right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was loved, right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he pushed them away, he was such a bad person afterall.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He must be a bad person, he hurts people, that's why they walk away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's why they all walk away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's why they will walk away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even Miwa, even... karasuno.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh, the moment they realized fully just how bad of a person he was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karasuno was light, karasuno was full of nice people, people who had done nothing wrong, not even Tsukishima, he had the right to be an asshole to him, he saw who he actually was, anyway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A tyrannical king.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he hated that he was that way, he hated being so narcissistic and selfish.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He hated the fact that even knowing that Karasuno would end up hurt because of him, he still wanted to be with them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And everything because he was so damn selfish!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His desire to be on the court with them was bigger than his fear of hurting them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because they would end up hurt, just like Kitawaga Daiichi, just like his parents.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just like Miwa and Kazuyo-san.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just like everyone, they would be hurt by him!!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And yet he longed for belonging with them!!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even knowing that he never would!!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because Karasuno is light, karasuno is comfort, karasuno is a family.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he wasn't made for that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karasuno was light, he was shadow.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karasuno was comfort, he was agressiveness and despair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karasuno is a family, and Kageyama didn't know what that was, not anymore at least.</em>
</p><p>And like this, Kageyama cried.</p><p>He cried because of the fear of hurting them, the fear of being rejected by them, even though he deserved it.</p><p>He cried because he was fucking selfish, he was a plage that infected everything around him.</p><p>He cried, even when he wasn't able to cry Kazuyo-san's loss.</p><p>Because now, Kageyama knew.</p><p>He knew that everything was his damn fault.</p><p>And no one elses.</p><p>Because he had been loved before he was an asshole right?</p><p>Of course, what kind of person has never been loved before?</p><p>If he had to guess, it would probably be him.</p><p>The lonely King, sitting on his throne, surrounded by the tears of the people he had hurt, including himself.</p><p>'Try to make friends, Tobio!'</p><p>How could he? How could he dare and try to ruin someone like that?</p><p>It wasn't fair for them.</p><p>No one deserved such punishment.</p><p>No one except himself, the only bastard that should be cursed by his own existence.</p><p>Yeah, that sure sounded like him.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You guys better put your damn seatbelts on, the angst is just starting.</p><p>I'm not that good at writing it, since english is my second language and my vocabulary isn't the best, but I try, hope I can make someone sad!</p><p>That sounded mean as hell im sorry lmao</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By 6:00am he hadn't been able to stop crying.</p><p>Everytime he was about to stop, his mind would start to find even more reasons to cry, as if his body was trying to get rid of all of it now.</p><p>All he got was a big headache, puffy eyes and pouty lips and red nose and cheeks.</p><p>He spent like 15min before 6:00 on the bathroom, blowing his nose, and trying to dry his eyes, which were now irritated.</p><p>His pitiful sobs filled the empty house.</p><p>He looked at himself in the mirror, and he bursted into tears again, as if his eyes couldn't stop the tears from flowing.</p><p>His chest hurt like hell, as if an invisible hand was trying to crush whatever the hell was between his neck and chest.</p><p>His throat hurt too, as the unknown noises left his mouth.</p><p>Dammit, was he gonna do??</p><p>He didn't want to miss practice but he couldn't show up to practice looking like he spent the entire night crying.</p><p>He went to his room, at the same time a heart wretching sob left him, sniffling.</p><p>He tried to look for ways to make his eyes less puffy, some of them were aplying a cold compress on his eyes or putting slices of cucumber on his closed lids.</p><p>As he went to the kitchen, he slowly started to stop crying unconsiously, since his mind was more occupied on not letting anyone know just how badly he felt, on how badly he had cried.</p><p>Since he didn't have a compress that was very comfortable, he did other of the ways to stop his eyes from looking so bad, which was putting a small towel drenched with cold water on his eyes.</p><p>Kinda what you did when someone had a fever.</p><p>He took out an empty glass and put some ice cubs on it, as they melt, he took some ibuprofen for his horrendous headache, he didn't know if that helped but oh well.</p><p>He drenched the small towel, letting some of the water fall back to the glass, and then he put it on his eyes after he sat on the couch, he sat like that for a while.</p><p>Ah, what was he going to do?</p><p>Act the same way as he had always had? He didn't want to be an asshole to them.</p><p>But if he became nicer they could become attached to him, and it would hurt them more when he showed his true colors.</p><p>He bit his lip.</p><p>He just had to lie.</p><p>He had to be respectful to them withour changing much, and he had to keep a wall up, so friendships wouldn't be formed.</p><p>'You have to make friends Tobio, what will you do when I die of old age!!'</p><p>'Don't worry Miwa-nee, I've never had friends, so I'll be okay.'</p><p>After a while passed, he took the cloth out of his face, which was warm already, he felt kinda feverish, due to so much crying.</p><p>He let the cloth on the glass of cold water as he went to check how badly he looked.</p><p>His eyes did look less puffy, but it was still evident that something had happened, he wouldn't be able to get to morning practice, and he still had to go to class, dammit, he couldn't just skip classes or he'd need even more help from Tsukishima.</p><p>Stupid Tsukishima, how did he think that reading was so easy if the letters and words overlapped eachother, tch, reading is overrated.</p><p>He went to get his phone, due to his headache, spelling what he wanted to tell Hinata was more difficult.</p><p>
  <strong>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Hey Boke</strong>
</p><p><strong>HinataBoke</strong>:</p><p>
  <strong>-what do you want, I'm getting ready to kick your ass, I'll arrive first &gt;:D</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-You already won, I'm not going to morning practice today</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>HinataBoke:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-HUH??? ARE YOU SOME KIND OF COWARD??</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Why aren't you coming &gt;:[</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-I'll explain later, I'll probably go to class and normal practice so don't make it a big deal, dumbass.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>HinataBoke:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-tch tch tch how dissapointing ù3ú</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Oky I'll tell the team, you better set very good today &gt;:F</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>&gt;:D*</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-I never set badly :).</strong>
</p><p>
  <b>HinataBoke:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-D: yes sir.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-that was it, if you don't leave soon you'll be late.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>HinataBoke:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-didn't know you cared so much yamayama kun ;)~</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Dw im almost there, im running while typing.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Typing while running?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-beats me :&lt;</b>
</p><p>
  <b>HinataBoke:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-im getting you to use emoticons i see &gt;;)</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-ILL LITERALLY BEAT YOU UP GO TO PRACTICE</b>
</p><p>
  <b>HinataBoke:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-I GET IT I GET IT YOU GRUMPY-YAMA &gt;:[</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You and your tsundere tendencies tch tch tch ù3ú</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-the hell did you just call me- :)</b>
</p><p>
  <b>HinataBoke:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-oh wow look at the timing ha ha i gotta water the practice and go to homework bye bye.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Bakageyama &gt;:P:</b>
</p><p>
  <b>-the fuvk</b>
</p><p>
  <b>fucj</b>
</p><p>
  <b>f u c k </b>
</p><p>One problem was solved at least.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>He managed to get the swelling on his eyes at a bare minimum, no one would notice unless they looked at him at the eyes for weeks, which he was pretty sure no one did.</p><p>Who would like to stare at such a scary face, afterall.</p><p>His face was still a bit pink, but he could always lie and say that it was because he helped his dad get some things from his house.</p><p>Yes, that would be his excuse, that his father needed some boxes of documents at home and he needed Tobio's help to get them to his car.</p><p>Yeah, that would work.</p><p>He arrived to school at a decent time, after dropping his gym bag at the clubroom.</p><p>At the first break, he saw Hinata entering his classroom, being followed by two guys.</p><p>''Yamayama kun!!''</p><p>''What...''</p><p>''Why didn't you come to practice today huh??!!'' Hinata continued to ramble about how it went, meanwhile, Kageyama shot small glances at the boys that were behind Hinata, they looked anxious, as of Kageyama's existence put them at the edge.</p><p>He should be used to it, but he couldn't help but sulken a bit.</p><p>The boys flinched in fear as Kageyama' intense aura got darker, one of them putting his hand on Hinata's shoulder.</p><p>''Hina-kun let's leave!...'' he whispered, but Kageyana could hear it.</p><p>''He looks super pissed!'' The other one rushed, clearly wanting to be anywhere else but in front of Kageyama.</p><p>Hinata looked at them confused, and them he looked at Kageyama, who avoided this calculating gaze, looking down while fidgeting with his fingers under the table.</p><p>Hinata smiled at his friends.</p><p>''You guys go first, I'll talk to him alone, it'll be fine.'' They looked at eachother, gave a quick glanze towards Kageyama's direction and then nodded, leaving the classroom.</p><p>Kageyama still felt bad, the guys looked like they were ready to kick is ass in case he hurt Hinata or something, they fought oftem but he would never actually hurt him, he would never want to hurt anyone, actually, even if he threatened to do so.</p><p>''You upset?''</p><p>''Huh?'' The taller boy asked, his voice full of confusion, yet, he sounded really mad.''</p><p>''Is it because you didn't went to practice?''</p><p>Kageyama stared for a moment, then he nodded, looking away.</p><p>Hinata nodded, humming absently, it didn't sound like he believed him, not completely, at least.</p><p>''Why didn't you come?''</p><p>Kageyama cleared his throat, the words felt heavy on the tip of his tongue.</p><p>''Um, my dad... uh, he came home and needed help to carry some boxes of documents and other stuff to his car...''</p><p>Hinata nodded again, still analizing him, piercing him with his gaze.</p><p>''Your eyes look weird.''</p><p>''They do?'' He asked, frowning while tilting his head to the side, pretending like the panic didn't just run through his entire body.</p><p>''Nevermind'' Hinata looked weird too.</p><p>''see ya' at practice, YamaYama kun!''</p><p>''See ya''</p><p>Hinata walked away, sightly frowning, he needed to tell Suga san and Tanaka senpai about this.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Is kageyama finally going to realize that the team cares???<br/>Who knows?? Certainly not me lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On the second break of the day, Hinata inmediately rushed to Tanaka and Noya's classroom.</p><p>''Tanaka senpai, Noya san!!'' He called from the entrance.</p><p>''shoyooo!!!'' They exclaimed at the same time, as they walked up to him. </p><p>''Whaddup'' asked Tanaka, we sounded cheerful, but Hinata felt like his voice leaked some concern.</p><p>''Can we go and look for Sugawara-san? It's about Kageyama.'' He frowned, looking concerned.</p><p>The two upperclassmen inmediately got serious. ''Let's go.''</p><p>They went to where Suga, Asahi and Daichi used to hang out on recess, which is exactly where they found them.</p><p>''Everything good guys? What happened?'' Asked Daichi, worried, as the trio of idiots looked serious.</p><p>''YamaYama kun is acting really weird today.'' Declared Hinata.</p><p>''Weird, how?'' Asked Asahi, folding his arms on his chest, looking interested on the conversation, yet, he looked worried as well.</p><p>''He looked... sad, even his eyes were weird, a bit puffy, like he had been crying recently.'' They knew how that looked, since basically all of them had cried when loosing against Aoba Johsai.</p><p>''Did anything upset him?'' Asked Sugawara.</p><p>''I mean, two of my friends wanted to come with me when I said that I wanted to go check on him, Kageyama kept looking at them from time to time, he looked very upset when they got scared of him.'' They winced, since a short time ago they had discovered just how easy it was to upset Kageyama with those type of things.</p><p>''Ah!'' Exclaimed Hinata, like he had forgotten something.</p><p>''When I asked him why he had skipped practice he said that his dad had come home to pick up some documents from the house, he didn't look well when he mentioned his dad, he looked even worse, and when I pointed out the fact that he was being weird he obviously panicked and tried to pretend like he didn't know.''</p><p>''Do you think that there's something going on at his house?'' Asked Noya-san, his hands on his hips.</p><p>Hinata nodded vigorously.</p><p>''He gets weird when I ask him to pass by and now he got weird while mentioning his dad, I know that it doesn't sound like much, but I actually feel like there's something wrong, I just know it.''</p><p>Hinata had doubted a bit at the middle of his sentence, but now that he said it he just knew that he had to tell someone, there was something going on with Kageyama.</p><p>''I mean, he did say that his parents were not home, maybe they have a distanced relationship?'' Asked Asahi, obviously wanting to continue talking about it, making Hinata feel a bit better.</p><p>''He also said that his sister lived in Tokyo, plus, he has shown to be good at reguar house chores, when in camps.'' Added Tanaka, who had been mysteriously auite this whole time.</p><p>''Didn't he have a Grandfather?...'' asked Noya, wincing, trying to remember.</p><p>''It's not nice to do a group meeting without everyone you know?'' The sarcastic voice said. ''You talking bout the King?''</p><p>It was Tsukishima, who was following Yamaguchi.</p><p>''Sorry, we saw you and we wanted to know what was going on, we heard a bit about the conversation.'' Apologized Tadashi.</p><p>''Ah, don't worry much, it's just that Hinata was a bit worried...'' Said the captain.</p><p>''Bakageyama is acting weird.'' He stated.</p><p>The two tall first years nodded.</p><p>''Um, you guys were talking about his family, you think that there's something going on at his home? I remember that he had a Grandfather.'' Added the freckled boy.</p><p>''Ah yes, Hinata said that Kageyama gets weird when talking about his family, and I didn't remember the Granpa part, thanks for that.''</p><p>''He said he was a coach.'' Added Tanaka.</p><p>''They must be close then?...'' said Sugawara.</p><p>''Probably...''</p><p>''The point is...'' reiterated Hinata ''Kageyama was upset about something at home, can we try to like, pay more attention to him and see if there's anything weird at his house?''</p><p>The team nodded, at the end Tanaka and Nishinoya ended up telling the forgotten trio of second years, and Hinata told Yachi who ended up telling Kiyoko-san.</p><p>At the end, practice got cancelled that day and the next, so the boy's had time to get a break, and for Kageyama to get his house ready for the meeting at his house.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>He did feel disappointed when practice got cancelled, but it was for the best, he needed to clean his house after all, he had forgotten about it.</p><p>He cleaned the bathroom, took out the trash, cleaned the floors and got the kitchen more organized.</p><p>He did the laundry and the cleaned up his room.</p><p>He tidied up the parts of the house that they would see, which was the entire house except for Miwa's, Kazuyo san's, and the room that was emptied recently by the couple who once slept there.</p><p>He may had teared up a bit thinking about it.</p><p>The also checked that the doorway and his Grandfather's shrine looked well, which he checked every week.</p><p>He also went outside to check that the volleyball equipment was in order, the net, a few volley balls, a yoga mat laying around and some water bottles that he used to pinpoint his sets, which he had done before they had beaten Shiratorizawa, they were on their way to nationals soon, but the team still needed to know eachother more.</p><p>He decided to practice for a while, if he wanted the team to don't leave him soon then he needed to reach their expectations, he had to be able to do powerful services, useful blocks and precise sets. Of course he could also recieve, but he rarely did that.</p><p>He had to do what the team needed him to do which was giving him what they could spike.</p><p>If he couldn't stop his shitty personality from getting on his way with the tean, at least he could give them the sets they wanted, right?</p><p>He trained for like an hour, after that he took a quick shower and he did what he did every Thursday at night.</p><p>But a vollayball video on the TV, and set two chairs looking at the screen, just what he did when Kazuyo san passed away.</p><p>While remembering the time his granpa was still with him, he cried a little.</p><p>Wow, what was with him and crying today?</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ik im dragging the goddamn sleepover but im giving more context ok.<br/>Next chapter I'll give some insight on kageyama's character, then the sleepover, and then a small arc with the all japan youth training camp or smt.<br/>I guess you guys know what will happen at the match against date tech 👁👁</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ever since middle school, he enjoyed being in control.</p><p>When Kazuyo-san got sick, he got very stressed, since his Grandpa was a very healthy man, so it was weird for him that he was so sick.</p><p>A long time before that, Miwa had stopped liking Volleyball, which was the same as stopping to like hanging out with him and Kazuyo.</p><p>So now, the routine he had, had to be done by himself.</p><p>Alone.</p><p>The runs up the hill, the practice late evening, and the volleyball watching.</p><p>He had always done it with Miwa and Kazuyo.</p><p>After Miwa stopped liking Volleyball, he only did it with Kazuyo-san.</p><p>After Kazuyo-san entered the hospital, he did it alone.</p><p>He did everything alone.</p><p>And he hated it.</p><p>He hated the fact that his messy life was changing in that direction, and the fact that he could do nothing about it.</p><p>He always liked being in control of his life, he liked the routine that was set by himself and Kazuyo-san.</p><p>And he sure as hell loved being a setter.</p><p>The power control of the court, the coolest position of all of them.</p><p>The one who touched the ball the most.</p><p>If he couldn't find stability on his house, he would find it on the thing he loved the most.</p><p>Volleyball, it grounded him.</p><p>He became controlling over his peers, he began making difficult tosses.</p><p>He trained, he trained, he trained.</p><p>And he kept pushing his teammates more and more.</p><p>But they weren't like him.</p><p>They didn't understand what he meant.</p><p>Of course they would be able to hit his tosses, they were strong enough to do it, but they just didn't try their hardest.</p><p>His teammates became more and more hostile with him, to the point were they would put out rumors and they started a nickname.</p><p>''The King of the Court''</p><p>God, he despised that nickname.</p><p>After that, he had become more passive, he had done what the team had wanted, he still tried to push them from time to time, but they didn't want to try it.</p><p>He had almost become civil with his teammates.</p><p>Until Kazuyo-san passed away, half-way his third year of middle school.</p><p>The man's death had been slow.</p><p>When he first entered the hospital, he looked the same as ever, except for the machines and the needles sticking out of them.</p><p>Slowly, he realized how Kazuyo-san was slowly losing energy.</p><p>He couldn't even watch volleyball anymore.</p><p>One of the last times he spoke with him, his Grandfather looked dead.</p><p>The part of his eye that was supposed to be white, was now yellow.</p><p>The skin that used to have a healthy glow and a golden tan was now dry and it had a green tint to it.</p><p>The way he talked was almost painful to Tobio, he could tell that his grandpa wasn't coming out of the hospital.</p><p>He looked like the empty shell that once used to be a healthy man.</p><p>The healthy man that had raised him.</p><p>The healthy man that had loved him.</p><p>The only one that would love him.</p><p>The man had to be put on an artificial coma, he needed a machine to breathe for him.</p><p>The doctors had said that there was the option go get a transplant that would cure him eventually.</p><p>But the hospital didn't have the resources to do such operation.</p><p>His grandfather would have to be moved to another hospital.</p><p>But the doctors then said something else.</p><p>That if they tried to move him to the hospital with enough resources for his surgery, he would die on the way.</p><p>There was no hope for Kageyama Kazuyo.</p><p>And for Kageyama? His grandfather had been dead for a long time.</p><p>He became more agressive, his temperament shifted on a way that was almost scary.</p><p>Because everyday he waited for the call that would tell him whether Kazuyo had died or not.</p><p>And he felt awful for that.</p><p>He began practicing even harder, if his teammates noticed anything weird going on with him they didn't show it, they only focused on the fact that he was the King again.</p><p>No one cuestioned whether the extreme change of personality was derived from something serious.</p><p>Everybody just assumed that he was just a cocky genius.</p><p>Nothing else.</p><p>When he got the call in the middle of practice he grabbed all of his things and he excused himself with the coach.</p><p>Someone called for him, but he kept running.</p><p>Because Kazuyo-san was gone.</p><p>He ran like he was being chasen by eveey fear he'd had on his life.</p><p>He ran like his life depended on it.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>After that, came the funeral, which was passed to Miwa.</p><p>His parents were nowhere to be seen.</p><p>He remembered staring at the picture of his smiling father figure, but he didn't cry.</p><p>Miwa cried, Miwa cried for the both of them.</p><p>She hadn't been at the hospital.</p><p>She hadn't witnessed Kazuyo-san's actual death.</p><p>This may have been the man's funeral.</p><p>But to Kageyama, the man who raised him was gone a long time ago.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>The team abandoned him in the middle of a match.</p><p>It was like the coldest of waters had been poured over his head.</p><p>He was benched, he watched how the team got along just fine without him.</p><p>He felt awful, he knew that he deserved it, he deserved every single thing that had happened to him.</p><p>On the bus, he sat alone, just like he always had.</p><p>But the lingering sensation on his chest told him that this was different.</p><p>When they arrived to the school, there was no one to pick him up, he had no one to pick him up after all.</p><p>If the team noticed, they didn't say anything.</p><p>They just watched as the lonely boy ran back to his house.</p><p>He ran the same way he did when he had been updated on his Grandfather's death.</p><p>When he got home he slammed the door shut behind him.</p><p>He felt disgusting.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>He didn't make it to Shiratorizawa, instead he made it to Karasuno, since there where rumours that the old Coach Ukai was coming back.</p><p>Aoba Johsai wasn't even on the list.</p><p>He wasn't a fan of being on the same team as Hinata, and he was even less of a fan of being with Tsukishima.</p><p>He may have panicked a little when he told everyone about him being a narcissistic asshole.</p><p>But they didn't seem to mind much.</p><p>He worked a lot with Hinata, he was impressed by the boy's athletic skill, but his technique had him almost amused.</p><p>Honestly, what was this guy doing?</p><p>For some time, the dominating force of the duo had been Kageyama, forcing Hinata to become better.</p><p>Then they stood on a certain middle ground, of course Kageyama kept being a more well rounded player, but Hinata was improving fast.</p><p>Then they lost against Seijoh, he had felt awful, as the setter he always felt guilty when his team lost, and if his spikers got blocked it was more annoying that if he had been blocked himself.</p><p>He felt guilty of the last play, or the entire last set, he could've done it better, if maybe he had-</p><p>''DON'T APOLOGIZE LIKE SETTING TO ME WAS A MISTAKE!'' Hinata had yelled, while punish him to the ground, Hinata on top of him.</p><p>''I won't apologize for any set.'' He ended up saying later.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>His fight with Hinata had been stressing.</p><p>He didn't want to be rejected by the team.</p><p>He was affraid that Hinata would realize that he wasn't necessary anymore.</p><p>He was affraid of giving him the same tosses that made his team leave.</p><p>But Hinata didn't want to be a tool, he wanted to be on the same level as Kageyama, he.wanted to earn with spot on the court, he wanted to be able to fight mid-air.</p><p>They didn't talk for a while after that.</p><p>Even if both of them were affraid that they had lost each other.</p><p>Both of them cried at home.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Kageyama didn't like what Oikawa said.</p><p>He didn't like the fact that he wasn't going to be in control.</p><p>The spikers were the ones with the power.</p><p>He didn't like that a lot but...</p><p>Maybe this was the way it was supposed to work.</p><p>He just had to meet the team's expectations, he had to give them what they wanted.</p><p>He was going to give them the control, this way they wouldn't leave, right?</p><p>He just had to do what the team wanted him to.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>He practiced a lot to get at the same level Hinata wanted him to.</p><p>The power dinamic on the duo had shifted, Hinata taking a more dominant role, while Kageyama forced himself to give him what he wanted.</p><p>On the training camp, Kageyama kept doubting himself, he couldn't do the toss that Hinata demanded.</p><p>He failed, and once he accidentally did the old quick, on his desperation to earn points.</p><p>Hinata was livid, how could Kageyama give up this way? Didn't he trust him? Why didn't he do it?</p><p>''Because I can't!! Why do you think I'm training so hard, dumbass??'' Hinata had understood and he left him alone.</p><p>Kageyama then doubted again, was it possible to do it? What would help more in this situation?</p><p>Before he made a decision, Hinata had already jumped.</p><p>'Aren't you going to do it?' He thought Hinata was telling him.</p><p>So he did the toss.</p><p>The ball flew, then it stopped.</p><p>The ball slamed against the court of the oponent.</p><p>The boys looked at each other, before both of their faces exploded in glee, blushing from happiness.</p><p>Kageyama almost immediately recovered.</p><p>''WHAT WAS THAT FOR, YOU SHOULD TELL ME BEFORE DOING THAT!!''</p><p>''I REALLY FELT LIKE WE COULD DO IT, DIDN'T YOU??''</p><p>''Tch.''</p><p>They began to talk to each other again.</p><p>Not noticing how the team had become happier immediately, they were teammates, of course they were happy for them.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>They won against Shiratorizawa, the third years had cried whike hugging each other, Kageyama and Hinata felt themselves being crushed by Tanaka-Senpai's hug.</p><p>It was nice, the team make it to nationals.</p><p>But then, Kageyama's parent's left.</p><p>The same feeling of dread he felt when Kazuyo-san died filled him.</p><p>He had to become better, he had to be better, he had to serve his team properly.</p><p>He doubted he could survive another loss.</p><p>If he lost volleyball again, he didn't know what he would do.</p><p>For now, he had to do all he could to take the team high up at nationals, and make sure that they didn't hate him at the same time that he hid the recent abandonment of his parents.</p><p>And keep his grades up.</p><p>That wouldn't be too hard, right?</p><p>Oh boy, if only you knew.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know this seems like filler but its important ok????? The sleepover is next, i hope that i'll get the chapter out soon :&gt;</p><p>Edit added on march 14th:<br/>Ok so i started classes last week, and that's why i haven't been able to update, also my computer broke so- i'm supposed to get it back soon, i'll be able to upload more consistently ;v;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was finally the day of the sleepover, saying that he was anxious was an understatement.</p><p>He was about to shit himself. Well, that was an overreaction, but he did feel... irrationally concerned. </p><p>This was a new experience for him and he'd always hated new experiences, especially when he didn't have full context, he liked to know the full picture, okay??</p><p>That's why he relaxed when somehow the entire team managed to arrive so early at the door of his class when classes ended.</p><p>They looked weird, but he didn't know why, where they anxious too?</p><p>''Hello, Kageyama!'' greeted Daichi with a wave and a warm smile, when he saw his kohai approach them, bag in hand.</p><p>Kageyama did a small bow that could be mistaken for a nod, but he assumed that they were used to his small ways of communicating.</p><p>The rest of the team returned the small gesture, with either a small bow and a smirk or a small wave with a smile.</p><p>''Let's get going then.'' Said Daichi, ''We were thinking on passing by Sakanoshita shop to buy food and then pass by your house, is that okay, Kageyama?''</p><p>''Ah yes, I don't mind'' He said, taken aback a little, even if they where going to his house it felt weird when they asked for his opinion.</p><p>Daichi nodded, and then the team started walking towards the school gates, with most of them carrying two bags, they looked like they were just off from a club activity or they just robbed a bank, but that was unlikely.</p><p>Hinata, Tanaka and Noya went ahead, pretending to be intimidating, well, the eldest ones did look more intimidating than Hinata, who could look scary when he was serious, as if his eyes could see all of your secrets (Kageyama was super creeped out by that look but he would never admit it).</p><p>After them walked Ennoshita, Kinoshita and Narita when behind them, chatting about... something?</p><p>Behind them went Daichi, Sugawara and Asahi, the first one was trying to keep the trio of idiots from disturbing the people that they walked by, while shutting up the second one(Honestly, Sugawara-san would encourage them to commit arson otherwise, that guy could be extremely unhinged sometimes). And Asahi was kinda just laughing at the idiot's antics.</p><p>After them were Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, who were most likely roasting the shit out of the team (Tsukishima was good at that but Yamaguchi's roasts could be brutal if he wanted).</p><p>At the back, Yachi, Kiyoko and Kageyama walked together, Kiyoko was in the middle of them smiling softly, while Kageyama tried to look as harmless as possible, he didn't want to scare Yachi.</p><p>The team stopped when the trio of idiots saw a bunch of cats kinda just laying around,  and they h a d to pet them, so the entire team went to pet the cats, well, Kageyama went with them but he stayed behind, not wanting to scare them away, it was just something that hapened to him, small animals looked terrified of him, and bigger animals tried to attack them, well, cats too, those little bastards sure had a big ego.</p><p>Kiyoko, stopped to pet a black cat with blue eyes, while Yachi went to pet a cat with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.</p><p>''Look how pretty this cat is, Tobio-kun'' The girl said happily, as the cat rolled on the ground, as if he wanted her to pet his belly, the girl went for it, and the cat started to purr violently. ''He's very docile too'' the girl looked delighted, smiling broadly. </p><p>Tanaka and Ninishoya looked in awe as Kiyoko's beautiful smile brightened their days, their skin was cleared, the world- okay I'm gonna stop.</p><p>''I don't think I should...'' The boy said softly, as he squated next to her, almost sitting on the ground, keeping his knees close to his chest.</p><p>''Why not, are you allergic?'' She asked concerned, Kageyama rushed to deny it.</p><p>''No no! I just... they... um...'' He tried to explain his issue in a way that it wouldn't sound dumb.</p><p>''Are you affraid of them?'' she whispered to him, in case he was embarrassed of that.</p><p>''No! It's... um... the other way around...'' </p><p>The girl blinked, and then her eyes widened for a moment, before her expression relaxed into a smile.</p><p>''don't look at me like that'' Kageyama said, pouting softly.</p><p>''What do you mean?''</p><p>''You're looking at me weird...'' he murmured, which made the girl chuckle, but she didn't know how to tell him, how do you tell such an awkward boy that the thing he just told her was extremely adorable? The fact that Kageyama had such a 'scary' aura and presence, and yet that he was affraid of scaring off cats.</p><p>''You should try petting this one, see? He even let me pet his belly.'' The girl proved her point when the cat purred louder.</p><p>''But that's because it's you, Kiyoko Senpai, I even scare children sometimes.'' He replied frowning, with a small pout on his lips.</p><p>''Just try it, if he attack you, I'll protect you.'' She said, giving him a thumbs up.</p><p>Kageyama stared a the cat, who seemed to notice his presence, Kageyama's big eyes met the curious eyes of the cat, that were the same shade of blue.</p><p>He gave a quick glance to the older girl, who encouraged him with a small nod.</p><p>His gaze returned to the cat, as he slowly extended his hand to pet the cat, he almost jumped when the cat suddenly arched forward, headbutting the boy's hand.</p><p>The boy's eyes glimmered, and his shoulders went sightly up, as if he didn't know what he do with himself and he just scrunched up in tiny.</p><p>He got brave and started to scratch the cat's ear, nudging him softly with his knuckles, as the cat pushed his head into the boy's hand with delight.</p><p>The boy didn't notice his lips arching up, his frown relaxing and his eyes softly closing.</p><p>When he noticed it, his hand immediately went up to cover his smile, he calmed down and his hand went down again, as he bit his lip to stop himself from smiling.</p><p>He didn't notice the weird looks his teammates made to each other, he assumed that no one saw him smile since he didn't hear any exclamation or a horrified scream like Hinata's, no one ran away either.</p><p>He looked up to Kiyoko Senpai, who had stood up, the cat looked up too.</p><p>The girl laughed, ''Tobio-kun, you and the cat look the same'' the boy frowned again, pouting sightly, as he looked to the cat, who turned to look at him, and meowed.</p><p>''What do you want.''</p><p>
  <em>Meowow</em>
</p><p>''What''</p><p>
  <em>Meow</em>
</p><p>''No.'' The boy said, looking away.</p><p><em>Meowrow </em>the cat complained.</p><p>Kageyama's hand covered his mouth before he allowed himself to smile softly. </p><p>''Let's go'' Exclaimed Daichi, as the team stood up from the group of cats.</p><p>Kiyoko Senpai offered her hand, Kageyama accepted her silent offer as she helped him to stand up.</p><p>Before he could react Sugawara san was next to him. ''Kageyama kun, let me hold your right hand please'' </p><p>The younger boy was confused, he tilted his head to the side a bit but he complied, as he put his hand on his senpai's.</p><p>The older boy looked confused.</p><p>''You gave me your hand.''</p><p>''You asked me to?''</p><p>Sugawara san looked at him in surprise before he smiled softly, he stopped holding his hand an softly kicked him in the butt.</p><p>''Let's go.''</p><p>Kageyama was still confused but he complied.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>For some weird reason this day there were more meat buns at Sakanoshita shop, usually there were less on friday, but today there were enough for the team to have two each.</p><p>Ukai denied having more than usual just for the sake of 'a reunion of youngsters' and they pretended like they believed him.</p><p>They walked to Kageyama's house, Hinata was storing most of the meat buns on the basket on his bike, as he walked next to it while pushing it forward.</p><p>They weren't really talking anymore, after the cat experience they had calmed down.</p><p>Some of them may have been dissapointed that the cat they petted didn't follow them, but that's not relevant.</p><p>They walked up the hill to Kageyama's house, it felt weird to him, since he had been used to passing by there on his own ever since Kazuyo san entered the hospital.</p><p>When they arrived to his house, they took their shoes off ad Kageyama went ahead to open the courtains.</p><p>''Aren't you going to wear your slippers?'' Asked Tanaka.</p><p>''Ah, since there aren't enough for all of us, I'm not wearing any either.'' He explained after he'd finished. ''You guys can leave your things here, and then um.. I could show you around.'' He said after pointing to the couch.</p><p>The team left their things on the couch and then they followed the younger boy.</p><p>''Okay, this is the first bathroom, there's another one at the end of the hallway.'' The team nodded, while looking at the different pictures hanging on the walls, no one mentioned the fact that Kageyama's parents didn't seem to be on any of them. ''this two bedrooms are from my sister and my grandfather so you can't enter.''</p><p>''Where's your Grandpa?'' Asked Yamaguchi, not really wanting to now, but he... did want to know.</p><p>''He passed away last year.'' He said looking away, feeling awkard.</p><p>''AH- I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring any bad memories or-'' </p><p>''Don't worry about it!'' Kageyama rushed to explain befoe Yamaguchi panicked. ''It's okay...'' He would've smiled but he knew better than that.</p><p>Yamaguchi nodded, but he didn't seem very convinced.</p><p>''This is my room, and to the left it's my parent's room, you can't enter there.'' He prayed that his voice didn't sound weird, because that wasn't his parents bedroom, thet was just an empty room.</p><p>''Can we see your room?'' asked Nishinoya, with a grin.</p><p>''sure'' He said opening the door, ''There's not much to see here.'' </p><p>He was right, his room had his bed, with his volley ball plushie on the corner, with books and volleyball recordings next of it, a poster with a writing that his Grandfather gave to him, his desk that had more books and some pencils, next to it there was a yoga mat and a dumbbell. And then his closet only had his clothes.</p><p>''Your room is so boring, Yamayama-kun'' Hinata complained.</p><p>''huh?'' He asked confused. ''It's fine to me'' </p><p>''I didn't imagine anything else from the king.'' Kageyama scowled. ''His brain is full of volleyball after all.''</p><p>''Yeah, there's not much to do here.'' Said Daichi.</p><p>Yachi wasn't very surprised either, the room was very Kageyama-ish.</p><p>Then, Kageyama showed them the backyard.</p><p>''You have a nice place to practice at home, so cool.'' Said Hinata, smiling.</p><p>''It does seem nice to practice.'' Agreeded Nishinoya.</p><p>They went back into the house, now seeing the kitchen and the living room properly, where Kazuyo-san's shrine was. When they saw the shrine they bowed.</p><p>They moved the furniture and they just sat on the floor, calmly eating the meat buns.</p><p>Kageyama felt warm, the house hadn't felt so comfortable in a while.</p><p>For his teammates it had been the complete opposite, one of the first things they noticed entering the house, was the fact that it felt cold...</p><p>It was weird to explain, but there's was no... warm... </p><p>It felt like a place that had been empty for a long time, they were used to coming back to a warm house, usually there was music playing, or the sound of someone cooking, or siblings running around or fighting each other.</p><p>They had felt lonely ever since they walked in, they had expected the house to be empty obviously, but the house didn't even feel cozy, it just felt off...</p><p>And when Yamaguchi asked about his Grandfather, oh my god... Of course he felt awful for asking Kageyama such a question, but he didn't expect <em>that</em> answer...</p><p>Of course his answer upset the team, the man passed away last year! That was like- super close!!</p><p>And when he mentioned his parent's room, oh my- his eyes looked so sad?? HOW COULD HIS EYES LOOK SO SAD LIKE WHAT THE-</p><p>There was something wrong going on with the boy's life, and they felt very troubled.</p><p>I mean, he did look better now, at least, the would have to figure that out later.</p><p>Kageyama finished eating and asked. ''Is it okay for you if I go change?''</p><p>''Yeah it's okay'' Said Azumane, he did feel a bit confused, why should he ask them?</p><p>Kageyama nodded, ''I'll change in my room, don't open the door, there's no lock.'' he said before walking away.</p><p>The team inmediately started looking around. Tanaka's eyes stopped at a picture of five boys wearing white and blue. </p><p>''Guysguysguys'' He whispered-yelled. He leaped to grab the picture on the wall. ''looklooklook''</p><p>''what's wrong??'' asked Ennoshita, getting closer.</p><p>''tinykageyamatinykageyama'' He said, trying to muffle his laughter.</p><p>On the picture there was Kunimi, who had a volleyball on his hands, his face and body were facing to the side but he was giving a side ways glance to the camera, Kindaichi was smiling openly behind him, on front of him there was Oikawa, winking while smiling, one of his hands was doing the peace sign while the other was giving a fistbump to Iwaizumi, who was almost kneeling on the floor in front of him, a volley ball next to him, almost touching his other hand.</p><p>And Kageyama, oh my god.</p><p>The boy was also kinda behing Oikawa, he was the shortest one on the picture, he was holding a volley ball on his right hand, he was almost looking forward to the camera, his face looked rounder and his eyes looked bigger, he wasn't frowning but he wasn't smiling either, he just stared his his blue eyes.</p><p>
  <em>And his left hand was gripping on Oikawa's jacket.</em>
</p><p>''whatthehell'' Said Hinata, his eyes wide. ''What the fuck happened to him...'' </p><p>''that can't be Kageyama'' Said Yamaguchi, at the same time that Tsukishima snapped a photo of the picture.</p><p>''I needed more blackmail'' He said as he added the pic to a folder called ''BLACKMAIL'' no one commented on the fact that there where like +300 pics on the folder, who knew how much shit he had what the-</p><p>''Who can't be Kageyama?'' A voice asked behind them.</p><p>Yamaguchi yelped in surprise.</p><p>''Ah well, we found this picture and...'' Narita started to explain.</p><p>''Ah, that one, hadn't seen it in a while'' The boy commented, as he grabbed it and put it back on the wall, he was waring black sweatpants and a large black t-shirt.</p><p>''I expected the king to be the same in middle school.'' Said Tsukishima.</p><p>''I wasn't born being the king, you know?'' he absently commented, turning around.</p><p>'Then what happened for you to become this way, Kageyama? Was it your grandfather, or your parents? What happened in middle school that made you into what you are today?' They thought.</p><p>What they didn't know, was that Kageyama wasn't sure either.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I haven't even finished this fanfic and I'm already planning on starting another one about Kags having selective mutism save me-<br/>edit: the intro is up if anyone's interested :&gt;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, until Daichi clapped his hands once to caught their attention.</p><p>''Guys! What do we do now.'' Asked Daichi, Sugawara put his hand up. ''Suga!''</p><p>''I have no idea!''</p><p>''suga come on...''</p><p>The vice-captain's face iluminated with a grin. ''I brought monopoly.''</p><p>''suga-san goddammit...''</p><p>The first years looked extremely confused at their upperclassmen, who looked extremely tired all of a sudden, except for Suga, who had a mischievous glint on his eyes.</p><p>''Suga-san, monopoly sucks.'' Tanaka complained.</p><p>''Monopoly doesn't suck, you do, my little kohai''</p><p>''Suga, come on, you just wanna play because you always win, besides-'' started Azumane.</p><p>''If you wanted to win, you should've tried not being poor.''</p><p>''BESIDES, there's too many of us, and it gets boring pretty fast.''</p><p>''tch.'' the boy pouted, while crossing his arms over his chest. ''Weaklings.''</p><p>''What should we do then?'' asked Kageyama, he would propose something, but he wasn't sure of what you did at a sleepover, he googled it the day before, but he doubted that his teammates would want to decore cupcakes or do a homemade spa.</p><p>''Usually we would do truth or dare...'' Daichi sighed. ''But we banned it from the activities since last year.''</p><p>''I told you that THAT won't happen again...'' Tanaka and Sugawara answered at the same time.</p><p>''What happened?'' asked Yachi, confused.</p><p>''Suga-san and Ryu almost fell of the roof-''</p><p>''Me and Tanaka perfomed dangerous but amazing activities on the upper part of a building, it was irresponsible and we won't do it agai-''</p><p>''Suga, no.''</p><p>''Shit.''</p><p>Tsukishima looked fairly amused. ''Doesn't surprise me that you two would do such a stupid thing.''</p><p>''Says the one who almost-''</p><p>''Yamaguchi.''</p><p>The freckled boy bit his lip, as he supressed his smile. ''Gomen, Tsukki'' He sounded like he was about to burst up laughing.</p><p>They really wanted to ask, but Tsukishima's glare was negative.</p><p>''What another harmless activity could we do?''</p><p>''Why don't we just talk? I mean, we didn't even know that Kageyama has a sister, why don't we talk about our families and then other topics may come up?'' Said Ennoshita after a few moments of thinking.</p><p>''that's my captain, everyone.'' Ennoshita elbowed Tanaka harshly.</p><p>''Ok then, who goes first?'' </p><p>''I volunteer for Asahi going first!''</p><p>''w h y  m e??''</p><p>''Asahi you start!''</p><p>''I- okay... I have an older sister...''</p><p>''What's she like??'' Hinata immediately asked.</p><p>''well...''</p><p>And like that, the team talked about their families.</p><p>Yamaguchi and Yachi were the only child on their families.</p><p>Kiyoko has an older brother, Suga has a younger one, as did Ennoshita and Daichi had four younger siblings, two boys and two girls. (it made sense actually)</p><p>Nishinoya has three older sisters, Narita has an older brother and Kinoshita has two younger sisters, and well, everybody already knew about Tanaka's older sister, Hinata's little sister, Kageyama's older sibling and Tsukishima's bother(not a typo).</p><p>''Most of us have siblings then...'' murmured Hinata ''The concept is kinda weird, of you guys having a life outside of volleyball, I'm so used to seeing you as volleyball teammates that I forgot.''</p><p>''Yeah, it happens to me with some of you, the ones I don't know much about'' Commented Asahi.</p><p>''Damn I'm thirsty'' murmured Tanaka, as he stretched his arms above his head.</p><p>''Do you want water? I don't remember whether I have any soda or juice left.''</p><p>''Anything's good, thanks''</p><p>Kageyama nodded, and then stood up, he stretched the same way Tanaka did and went to the kitchen.</p><p>''Right! I had bought some Melon soda, do you guys want?''</p><p>''YES pleaseeee'' Kageyama grabbed a tray and started putting glasses, he realized he only had four, so he put two cups in there and went to where the team was.</p><p>''I'm gonna look for more cups, I don't have enough glasses''</p><p>He put the glasses and cups in front of the team, since the table was too small, they were eating on the floor, sadly.</p><p>He went back to the kitchen and looked for more cups, he still needed two more, he left the ones he did have with the team, someone would have to drink from a bottle that he usually used when he went for a run.</p><p>Now he just needed something for himself, he went to the refrigerator to take out the large bottles of soda, at the back there was a small bottle of melon soda, he was saved.</p><p>Hinata ended up using the bottle and Kageyama used the soda one.</p><p>They stayed in a comfortable silence.</p><p>''What do we talk about now?'' Asked Kinoshita.</p><p>''How about s c h o o l''</p><p>''What about it, Noya-san.'' Asked Tanaka.</p><p>''I don't k n o w''</p><p>''I do know, you two simpletons.'' Tsukishima said, turning towards Kageyama and Hinata. ''Did you pay attention to your goddamn classes this week??''</p><p>''Kinda...''</p><p>''What do you mean kinda you little-''</p><p>''I TRIED BUT I ZONED OUT OK''</p><p>''What about you, King? Did you finally learn how to take notes??''</p><p>''I- I can't help it!! It's too hard to read what the teacher is writing!! And in math I don't get what's happening...''</p><p>''What do you mean it's too hard to read what the teacher is writing?? Do you need glasses or do you just not know how to read?'''</p><p>''hEY! I just... the uhh... ho-how am suposed to read it easily when the words and sentences overlap each other!! Who tortures themselves like that???''</p><p>''...''</p><p>''...''</p><p>''...''</p><p>''Hve you ever talked about this to someone, Kageyama?'' Said Sugawara-san</p><p>''Yeah? I told my sister?? What's wrong about it?''</p><p>''What did she say about it?''</p><p>''She said that it was normal?'' The boy said, confused.</p><p>''Kageyama, it's not normal... wait there's not something wrong with it, but the words are not suposed to move around...''</p><p>''W h a t-'' His expression fell, what the hell??</p><p>''yeah it's called dyslexia, have you heard about it before?'' asked Daichi.</p><p>''Yeah, I just didn't know what it was... hold on'' He reached for his phone and called his sister.</p><p>''<strong>TOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYOOOOOLOOOOOO</strong><strong>''</strong> The boy immediately got the phone further away from his face, as the team snickered.</p><p>''Miwa-nee, did you know that you're dyslexic?''</p><p>''<strong>huh? yeah, I found out finishing high school, why are you asking?''</strong></p><p>''...''</p><p>''<strong>oH MY GOD TOBI I FORGOT TO TELL YOU I'M SO SORRY-''</strong></p><p>Kageyama pouted.</p><p>''Goodbye, Miwa-nee.''</p><p><strong>''nO SAKDSJDJ'' </strong>there was a loud bang on his sister's side of the call. ''<strong>PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I'LL BUY YOU MILK OR SOMETHING DON'T HANG UP BAB-'' </strong>The boy hung up, as he glared at his phone, still pouting, his frown accentuating.</p><p>''She sounded very... enthusiastic'' commented Hinata, who stared at Kageyama's screen, Miwa's texts flooding the phone.</p><p>''didn't know you knew such big words.'' Said Tsukishima.</p><p>''yoU LITTLE-''</p><p>
  <strong>Miwa-nee:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-TOBIO OMG</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-IM SORRYASJNDSHUJDBHXCGBYFDWBUXSH QWQ FORGIVE MEEEE</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-IM OLD &amp;%$%$#</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>toBABY:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Miwa-nee, shut up.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Miwa-nee:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-D: WHY AR YOU SO RDE TwT PLEAS DONT BE MAD AT EM IM TRYINGG..CO,S,WDIU8WU8H7QCGC'Ñ¿VDOVRFE</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>toBABY:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-I'll ttyl, I'm busy</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Miwa-nee:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-ok QwQ </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Love you, sorry TwT</strong>
</p><p>''Bakageyama you don't look happy''</p><p>''Of course I'm not, she's almost as annoying as you.'' He murmured, shutting off his phone.</p><p>''exCUSE YOU, YOUNG MAN'' Hinata started to yell at him about disrespect, and then ended up pouting childishly.</p><p>''Could you not react the same way my sister would?''</p><p>''and how's that?''</p><p>''Dramatic, loud, childish.''</p><p>''...'' Hinata 'glared' at him, Kageyama was almost sure that it was on a joking matter, yeah, it was, obviously he knew, yeah it must be... right???</p><p>He just sighed, he was tired already.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it definitely didnt take me this long to update because idk what people do at large sleepovers hahahahahahahahahhahaha<br/>please give me ideas, help me- also im trying to add more povs, like ennoshita, nishinoya, yachi, yamaguchi, maybe tsuki and hinata, daichi, etc, i just think that it would be interesting, thanks for reading&lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tsukishima did feel a bit guilty now, as did Hinata and Yamaguchi.</p><p>How didn't they notice the fact that Kageyama obviously had problems reading? And they had made fun of him once or twice because of it, when in Kageyama's notes they noticed the fact that he always spelled the names of historical figures wrong, and that caused him to get a several wrong answers on history tests.</p><p>They felt guilty, and Tsukishima didn't like the fact that he had made fun of him for something that he couldn't really control, he remembered Yamaguchi's bullies.</p><p>''King.''</p><p>Kageyama scowled at him. ''What''</p><p>''Next time we study we are taking a look at your notes and you'll speak to someone on monday, maybe Takeda-sensei can help you to tell someone so the school knows, maybe they'll give you more time to make your tests or something.'' Kageyama nodded, and looked away.</p><p>''We can help you study too.'' Said Ennoshita ''At least you do well with kanji, but we can help with reading comprehension maybe? But that's more about reading.''</p><p>''You can ask your sister too right?'' Yachi joined in. ''Maybe she can tell you about how she deals with it, I don't know whether you have to get a diagnosis or not.''</p><p>''I don't know either'' murmured Kiyoko. ''But telling the school will help you, the teachers may help you more.''</p><p>''Yeah...'' The boy sighed.</p><p>''Don't look like that Kageyama, or else I'll karate chop the negativity out of your system''</p><p>''Please don't...'' Sugawara laughed.</p><p>''Don't worry, don't worry.''</p><p>They kept talking for a while, and Hinata mentioned how Natsu had dyslexia, and that now that he thought about it, it was rather obvious that Kageyama had dyslexia too, but Natsu was starting to get help by her teachers, and some taught her with sign language so she could spell certain words properly. Some of her other symptoms had mostly been associated with her age, or the fact that she may just be slow, like the fact that she didn't speak until she was 2, or the fact that large names were difficult for her.</p><p>''To me Nishinoya-san's name was difficult, also the name from Date Tech's setter, Kaneko... no.. Koga?... something...'' Kageyama struggled with the setter's name.</p><p>''Nice try, it's Koganegawa.'' Said Tsukishima.</p><p>''That.''</p><p>''aaah right! Suga-san had to help you with my name!'' Exclaimed Nishinoya, the short boy appreciated a lot his kouhai, even if they weren't close.</p><p>He was actually worried for him, he himself had been raised by his grandfather, and if his Grandpa had passed away in middle school he would've completely lost it, the whole King of the court thing was probably just Kageyama grieving in an unhealthy way, he felt bad for him.</p><p>And he felt angry at his previous teammates, didn't they notice the fact that he was hurting? Yeah, Kageyama said lots of things that were not polite, but you don't just turn your backs at a teammate like that, did they even care about him? He felt conflicted, and Ennoshita and Ryuu had noticed it, he wanted to feel mad at Kageyama's teammates, but they were just children, it was probably the coach's fault, honestly, what was that man doing? He had to talk to Ennoshita and Daichi about this, Ryuu too, hell he wanted to talk to everyone about it.</p><p>He may be a little childish, but if his genius kouhai was hurting then he could be serious.</p><p>And what the fuck were Kageyama's parents doing? He didn't blame the sister too much, well, he didn't have the full picture yet, but it was obvious that Kageyama had no one supporting him back in middle school, and if he did, what were they thinking? The boy had been obviously on a bad chapter of his life, he was not okay, and looking back on the way he acted in middle school, anyone could've thought that he was just some brat, but Kageyama was very far from being a brat, at least with his family, god, what was his  mother doing?</p><p>Honestly, apparently Kageyama's parents were extremely neglectful, to the point that his grandpa had to raise him and his sister, but that wasn't the only thing, since something had obviously happened to Kageyama this week, and it had to be related to his parents, at first Yuu had been affraid that it might be some type of abuse, what if Kageyama's dad had done something to him? Now it seemed like his dad had done something, but he didn't know what, Kageyama didn't seem to have bruises, neither did it seem like he had injuries either. </p><p>The boy just seemed a bit... out of it... His emotions were mostly reflected on his eyes, and he had looked very sad when mentioning his dad and his grandfather, but other than that he just looked like his mind was concentrated on the sleepover, maybe it was his first sleepover? His heart clenched at the thought, that would explain the fact that when Kageyama had offered his house there had been a glint of puppyish excitement on his eyes,</p><p>Was this the first time he invited someone home?... No, Yuu, don't cry.</p><p>He just tried to continue with the sleepover, even while knowing, <em>feeling </em>the concern from his teammates.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>It was time for the girls to go, it was around 9:30 pm, and Yachi's mother had come to take them to her house, they said their goodbyes and the girls got in the car, both of them sitting on the back-seat.</p><p>Yachi's mom was going out to a business party, so the girls had the house for them.</p><p>Both girls entered the house and settled down on the blonde's bed.</p><p>''Umm... Kiyoko-senpai'' The girl spoke.</p><p>''Is anything wrong, Hitoka-chan?''</p><p>''No no! I mean, I was just worried about Kageyama-kun... I mean, I have experience with my mom not being around because of work, but his house just seemed empty and cold...''</p><p>''Yes it did.'' The older girl said, lost in thought. ''I mean, Tobio-kun has never told me anything about it.''</p><p>''Are you guys close?'' The girl looked surprised.</p><p>''We talk from time to time, he's a really nice kouhai, he reminds me of you in some aspects, he's just scary looking and yells more'' The beautiful girl chuckled.</p><p>The girl looked surprised, to her, Kageyama was a strong boy, and he seemed confident in the court, he was no villager B, he was, (and she was quoting) ''the freakin moon''. </p><p>But outside of the court, Kageyama did look less confident, as if he had no life experience on socializing, and from what she thought of Kageyama, it seemed like he spent all of his time either playing volleyball or hanging out with his grandfather.</p><p>He was mostly quiet and respectful, he was very polite, now that she thought about it, he only talked back to Hinata and Tsukishima, and when she helped him and Hinata study, Kageyama appeared to be extremely quiet, almost timid, Hinata being the one talking and asking questions, with Kageyama just paying attention without really looking at her.</p><p>''You know...'' Kiyoko interrupted her train of thoughts. ''You and Kageyama would get along well, he seems almost affraid of scaring you off'' the girl smiled fondly. ''Also with Yamaguchi, all of you could get along well.''</p><p>''That would be nice...'' Yachi honestly wanted to be-friend the other first years, the one she was closest to was Hinata, and she could get along well with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima(who was nicer than she expected, he mostly teased Hinata and Kageyama) but Kageyama seemed very hesitant around her, but never rude, she still remembered the first time she saw him, he looked very intimidating.</p><p>But after seeing him doing an alterated version of the meat dance, being careful with a cat, and basically being so polite to almost everyone, she realized that he was really shy, actually. </p><p>''Wanna watch a movie?'' Kiyoko proposed.</p><p>''Sure!'' The girl smiled, she could get closer to the first-years later, she wanted to get closer to the other manager first.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, on a small blue car, a blue eyed girl named Kageyama Miwa, decided to surprise her baby brother a few hours before than what she had planned.</p><p>She had gifts, and enough clothes to stay there for a week, she felt like her brother needed someone for him right now.</p><p>'I wonder how he realized that we have dyslexia, he usually doesn't question things twice? Maybe he is with someone who talked to him about it.' The girl gasped, maybe his brother was with someone.</p><p>She smirked, she wanted to know who he was with, she put another song on the radio and kept driving, she would be there in two hours.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yahoo~ hope you liked this chapter lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kageyama had tried to tell himself that the pressure on his chest was just some type of cold.</p><p>But for some reason, seeing all of this kindness being given to him as if it was natural made his head hurt.</p><p>He truly felt thankful for Karasuno, they didn't seem to be judging him and they were extremely supportive with his new uh... he didn't what to call the fact that he has dyslexia, maybe his grades would improve now.</p><p>He had been close to crying several times, his house started to feel like a home once more, the coldness of the place felt gone, even if it was temporary, since the team's banter and laughter felt so grounding, he felt like he was actually home, not feeling so detached from the place right now.</p><p>It was an hour already since the girls left, they had spent the last hour telling anecdotes from the team at school, Hinata told them about the girl's volleyball team and the old ladies he used to practice with.</p><p>''So that's why...'' Kageyama murmured.</p><p>''What's that supposed to mean.''</p><p>''That's why your technique sucks even thought you have good reflexes.'' He said bluntly.</p><p>''Kageyama you bastard!!''</p><p>Kageyama just looked away, as Hinata grew more annoyed. </p><p>The team also talked about Karasuno, Sugawara made fun of Asahi's way of introducing himself on his first practice.</p><p>''Suga I was just a first year!!''</p><p>And Suga dismissed him laughing. ''I know I'm just messing with ya''</p><p>The team then switched to talking about childhood anecdotes, Nishinoya telling them about the time he almost fell off a cliff while learning to ride the bike, he didn't reach the petals since he was so short.</p><p>(Kageyama didn't mention the fact that he doesn't know how the fuck you're suposed to ride a bike, Asahi didn't either)</p><p>Kinoshita told them about the time when his grandmother had chasen him on the beach after he ran away(because 'why not' thought seven year old Kinoshita) and in the process she had face-planted the sand and then child-Kinoshita jumped on top of her and layed on his grandma's back.</p><p>When his parents returned his grandma had been laying down for ten minutes.</p><p>Tanaka cry-laughed.</p><p>After talking about early childhood, they decided to go for something more personal, like their first memories with volleyball.</p><p>They knew already that Hinata had seen the tiny giant and then went: 'gWAAAA I WANNA SPIKE THEM B A L L S' but they didn't know much about each other.</p><p>Most of them had just played it in p.e. and liked it, Narita had been inspired by the olympics and then went to the volleyball club and received everything with his face.</p><p>Tsukishima had been driven by his older brother and Yamaguchi remembered thinking that he would look cool while serving. </p><p>Tanaka had seen a volleyball match and had also liked how cool they looked, and got into it right away, as did Suga, Daichi and Noya.</p><p>Kageyama thought about it for a moment.</p><p>''I mean, volleyball has always been present in my life, since my grandpa was a coach for a girl's team where my sister played. They would take me with them and I would just play with a ball until it was time for us to go.''</p><p>''Did you play with anyone there?''</p><p>''My sister, we would set for each other but I spend most of the time falling, I was only three back then, but apparently I had liked the sport way before that.''</p><p>''As in, toddler Kageyama??''</p><p>The blue eyed boy nodded. ''When I was like one my sister found me hugging and drooling all over her volley ball, my grandpa immediately thought that I had talent for it.''</p><p>His teammates laughed, the mental image of a baby Kageyama hugging a volleyball was very funny, and very... Kageyama-ish.</p><p>After that, they armed the places where they would sleep, Kageyama taking the couch with a sleeping bag and the rest sleeping on the floor, well, they weren't sleeping yet(they had to explain that to Kageyama, even if it was called a sleepover, the last thing they would do is sleep 'why is it called a sleepover then-' 'don't question it')</p><p>With all of the movement, they didn't notice the rambling behind the door, nor did they notice the pretty girl standing there until they heard a gasp.</p><p>''Your little teammates are here????''</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Well, the fact that the lights of the house were on was a little bit odd, especially since Tobio went to sleep at 10:30 and it was an hour past his bed-time already.</p><p>She grabbed some bags with the ingredients she had bought to make the boy lunch and breakfast and some gifts, she opened the door and quietly entered, hearing unknown voices in the house.</p><p>Her heart clenched at the thought of his brother having people over.</p><p>The left the bags at the entrance and went back for her luggage, she closed the door behind her and she took off her shoes.</p><p>She cautiously walked up to the living room, as she watched a bunch of teenage boys sitting around, and her brother being one of them.</p><p>She gasped, as the attention was directed to her.</p><p>Her hands went to her chest, pressing against her heart.</p><p>''Your little teammates are here???'' She looked extremely surprised, yet extremely happy.</p><p>''Miwa??!!''</p><p>''You-you- friends- sleep...over- I'm so proud...''</p><p>She wanted to cry.</p><p>Tobio's face went red, with a scowl. ''Could you act less surprised??''</p><p>The girl denied, still looking like she had seen a miracle happen in front of her own two eyes. </p><p>He groaned, his blush not going away. ''As you guys may have guessed this is my older sister Miwa, Miwa, Karasuno.''</p><p>The young-woman gave them a little wave, her left hand going up to her face to try and cover her smile.</p><p>The team bowed in response.</p><p>Tobio rushed to get his sister's stuff.</p><p>Miwa followed, as Tobio grabbed her luggage and she grabbed the bags, as the boy left his sister's luggage on the entramce of the kitchen, as she put the things on their respective spots.</p><p>''Why are you here?'' He deadpanned. The team watched in surprise as Miwa just chuckled, there was technically nothing wrong with what the boy had said, it just felt very blunt.</p><p>''I wanted to come see you, I had no idea that you had company, Tobi.'' The young-woman smiled as she grabbed something from one of the bags, she deposited a small box on the boy's open hand.</p><p>Inside of it there was a small cow, the splotched on it being a baby blue color, the tiny cow was holding a small thingie of what the boy could only assume to be blueberry yoghurt.</p><p>''It's cute right??'' She smiled again. ''It reminded me of you'' she lifted her hand to pet his head, to which he responded with instinctively bowing his head a little.</p><p>The young-woman was tall, for japanese standards anyways, the was around 1.70ish cm, being ten centimeters smaller than her brother, they were really similar.</p><p>''I also bought you new kneepads and a nail-kit, just in case'' she said while running her fingers through the boy's soft locks.</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>''Wanna help me get my stuff to my room?'' She asked softly. The boy just nodded, feeling like he would cry.</p><p>''We'll return immediately, sorry for interrupting'' she sheepishly apologized, as the team could only nod.</p><p>They hadn't expected them to look so similar, they had the same features and the same eyes, same colour of hair. The main differences were their hair lenght and height, and well, their personalities.</p><p>At first they had expected them to crash a lot, but Miwa seemed to be very patient with Tobio's way of communicating, and he appeared to not fight back against her much.</p><p>Their dinamic felt kinda unique, but it fit... somehow.</p><p> </p><p>Miwa and Tobio entered the room and closed the door behind them, the boy inmediately felt his sister's slender arms around him, as he buried his face on one specific spot on her neck.</p><p>''I'm sorry for not coming over sooner, I should've been here for you...'' she wanted to add more but the tears gathered on her eyes stopped her.</p><p>Tobio let the tears fall, probably soaking his sister's shirt, as he felt her running her slender fingers through his hair again, the familiar gesture that Kazuyo-san always did to them, it used to help him to calm down, but he just felt like crying even more.</p><p>They cried in silence for a minute, hugging each other close.</p><p>''You should go back there'' the girl said.</p><p>''Yeah, I probably should.'' He wanted to stay this way, he just wanted to keep crying while hugging his sister, he missed being held.</p><p>As they hugged a bit more, the boy fell asleep, his bed-time was an hour ago so he had been really tired.</p><p>The girl went back to her brother's teammates, asking them to forgive Tobio, he had been too tired and he fell asleep helping her to move her things.</p><p>The yawning team said that it was okay, they were gonna go to sleep soon anyway, after Miwa's arrival they had realized just how tired they were.</p><p>The team slept peacefully on the living room.</p><p>And when Miwa returned to her room, Tobio was half awake, she went to the bathroom to change into her pijamas as she came back, closed the door behind her and they hugged under the bed sheets again, both of them crying silently, the same way they did when Kazuyo-san had passed away.</p><p>They hugged each other close, as their small family, now felt smaller.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The team woke up next morning due to the rambling on the kitchen, as Miwa had woken up early to make the boys(and herself) breakfast.</p><p>Tobio and her still had to talk about their family situation, they hadn't done it yet due to the team's presence, but they would talk when they leave.</p><p>They had hugged and they cried for a while before falling asleep, as Miwa felt her heart breaking at the pitiful, almost quiet noises that his brother made while crying his eyes out.</p><p>She had gone out in the morning to buy more stuff, since there wasn't enough things to make them the breakfast she had planned, she was just going to serve them steamed rice and miso soup, accompanied by some salad if they wanted.</p><p>The team had woken up by both the smell and the sound of the radio in the kitchen, as all of them had helped to clean the living room and move their 'beds' away.</p><p>Hinata had made fun of Tobio's bedhead, as his usually silky hair now looked like a mess, his hair poking out everywhere, to which Miwa yelled at him to go brush his damn hair of she would get whiplash.</p><p>As Tobio tried to fraternize with his hair, Miwa had gone to talk to Hinata. The boy had felt jealous of the woman's height.</p><p>''You are Hinata, right?'' The blue-eyed woman asked ''I've seen some recordings of your matches, your reflexes are really good.'' She complimented with a smile, the same one that Tobio had given the cat the day before.</p><p>''Yes, it's me!''</p><p>Miwa took something from her pocket. ''I don't know whether this is too much for me to ask but...''</p><p>Hinata just nodded solemnly, receiving what she had given to him.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>They had to eat on the floor again, the tables being too small for all of them, as they ate happily, Miwa's cooking was really good.</p><p>At the compliment done by Sugawara, she just smiled again, explaining how their grandfather had taught them how to cook.</p><p>The team left by 11.am, at first they wanted to stay until later(especially Hinata, for some extra practice) but Miwa's sudden appearance made them reconsider.</p><p>They wanted the two siblings to have some time for themselves, because what Tobio's parents had done affected him badly, they could tell, they just hoped that Miwa would be helpful for him.</p><p> </p><p>''I'll be staying here for a week, I feel like both of us need it, since, our parents...'' Her voice cracked, the boy just nodded, trying to blink away his tears. They sat next to each other on the couch.</p><p>''Do you think... I did something wrong?... They used to be around before I was born...'' The boy finally said what had been running through his mind. </p><p>Miwa was speechless, how could he think that?? </p><p>''No Tobi, this isn't your fault, you did nothing wrong, they are the ones who decided to leave, they are the ones who abandoned their children, you had nothing to do with that.'' She said, grabbing his shoulders firmly, as the boy started to shed some tears.</p><p>'How do you know that?' He thought. 'I hurt people, I'm not compassionate, I'm not nice, I'm not brave, I'm not strong, I'm selfish, I'm arrogant, I'm a King, Miwa.'</p><p>He started to cry again 'I'm a lonely King, Miwa.' </p><p>She tried to comfort him, but it wa shard when she was about to break down crying, she wanted to cry, she wanted to scream at their parents.</p><p>She wanted to scream at the selfish bastard that forgot about their family, she wanted to scream at the ones who broke the family because their greed was bigger than their love for their children.</p><p>She didn't know what to do, so she just cried with him.</p><p>She could make him some curry after.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>''Where did you get your curry recipe, grandpa?''</em>
</p><p>
  <em>''I learned it from your grandma, she wanted me to make it for your dad, and now I make it for you.''</em>
</p><p>
  <em>''Why?''</em>
</p><p>
  <em>''Because we are family, Miwa, and by making this for you I'm showing how much I love you.''</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Does mommy and daddy not love us then?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The little girl shut up, because she didn't want to make her grandpa feel sad, her parents came home every week, but even the days that they either arrived very late or didn't arrive home at all, the old man would still wait on the living room, wanting to see his son.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Miwa knew that Kazuyo-san loved her parents.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But she didn't like them at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After Tobio was born, she utterly despised them, why didn't they come to see their children? They had missed Tobio's first words already!!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She resented her parents for not being around, but she didn't care, she had Kazuyo, she had Tobio, she had a family to come to after school, she had warm food waiting for her on the table and she had company when the days got cold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She left for college, she got a roomate and everything was going fine.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She visited Tobio when she wanted to, he still had Kazuyo after all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After some time she realized.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That she had just become another useless adult in her brother's life, but when she realized it, it was too late already.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because Kazuyo had passed way.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>She wanted to be better, she wanted to catch up with him, because even after their grandpa's death she still hadn't changed.</p><p>After knowing that those selfish bastards had left her brother alone (just like she did... just like everyone did...) she decided to make a change.</p><p>And she had decided to come and surprise her brother by coming home and making breakfast while he was on his morning run.</p><p>But then the whole dyslexia thing happened... and she felt even worse, she had failed him once again.</p><p>So she decided to visit a few hours before than planned.</p><p>They used the weekend to catch up, to talk about each other, to know each other more.</p><p>She learned more about her brother's routine and his team (he didn't say friends) even though she was sure that they were. He learned about her job and her roomate Alisa, and he told her about how Alisa's younger brother was a player on a team that they had played against.(apparently)</p><p>He had to fight Miwa so she didn't call Alisa immediately to try and make the two boys friends. </p><p>They also spoke about dyslexia, and Miwa said that she would go to Karasuno after class to talk to Takeda sensei herself, so he could help her to talk to the principal, and she also made him promise to ask help to his teachers of his first year teammates, to which he responded that they already promised to help him.</p><p>She teased him a lot because of that.</p><p>They started becoming closer, and on Monday, Miwa would go to Karasuno to start helping her brother in any way she could.</p><p>She didn't want to be a useless adult anymore, she wanted to be what she was born to be, her brother's older sister, Kageyama Miwa.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tobio really enjoyed his sister's presence at home, but he still felt weird.</p><p>He felt tired, he had less appetite and he practiced less time that he used to on the weekends.</p><p>He just shrugged it off as tiredness and continued with his day.</p><p>At night, he kept turning on his bed, his mind wouldn't let him sleep, guilt still filling his senses.</p><p>He felt a knot on his chest and throat, making it hard to breathe and swallow.</p><p>He just wanted to lay in bed, he didn't want to go out there, he didn't wanna see the house.</p><p>But he had to, he didn't want Miwa to feel unwanted, because even if he really appreciated her being there, he felt so, so tired.</p><p>And he wanted to scream, so badly.</p><p>He had driven his parents away, they used to be home more when it was just them, Miwa and Kazuyo, it was almost as if his birth gave them the opportunity to leave.</p><p>Had he done something wrong? Were his grades not enough? Were his volleyball accomplishments not enough?</p><p>Was he, not enough?</p><p>Was he, not a good enough reason to stay?</p><p>Did they ever try to stay?</p><p>
  <strong>''We would be better off without you!''</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>'I know.'</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>''Everybody would be better off without you!''</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>'I screwed up.'</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>''We were never friends to begin with!!''</strong>
</p><p>
  <em>'I know that this is all my fault.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'I deserved it anyways, right?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'After all...'</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>''YOU ARE JUST A SELFISH KING''</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>And he was destined to be alone, who would want to be with such a narcissistic asshole anyway.</em> </strong>
</p><p>As long as they gave them everything they wanted, they wouldn't leave.</p><p>Yeah, that sounds about right.</p><p>But then... why did his parents leave? </p><p>Why?...</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>He didn't tell his sister about the thoughts that were basically infesting his brain, he just did his best to hide it from her.</p><p>It wasn't her obligation to help him, he didn't want her to feel pressured.</p><p>On sunday evening he received a text from Kiyoko-Senpai.</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko-Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Hi Tobio-kun, the guys told me about your sister being home, are you guys having a good time?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Yeah, it's nice to have someone around here.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko-Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-I would imagine, my brother is a college student too so we don't see each other often, but we can always count on the other</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-that's nice, I can also count on Miwa, it's nice to talk to her.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko-Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-that's good to hear, I would talk to you more but my Mother is calling me, I'll see you tomorrow!!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-See you, Kiyoko-senpai. Goodnight!!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Kiyoko-Senpai:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Bye bye Tobio-kun</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Tobio-kun:</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>-Bye bye.</strong>
</p><p>'they can always count on each other huh...'</p><p>He brushed the thought away.</p><p>'Don't be selfish, Miwa is too busy for that.'</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>On monday he went to class as usual, he felt more tired than usual, but he brushed it off again, and for lunch he went to sit to somewhere more isolated with the lunch his sister had made to him.</p><p>He didn't really want anyone to see the lunch which was Sanrio themed, well, just the black spiky penguin, the one that looked like Iwaizumi-san.</p><p>He liked Iwaizumi, he had kind eyes and he was very reliable, he would've preferred if he had stopped Oikawa-san from alienating him from the team and from a great ammount of students.</p><p>He literally had fans, of course people treated him differently because of Oikawa giving him nicknames, refusing to help him and insulting him.</p><p>He was grateful for Iwaizumi stopping Oikawa fron hitting him, but at first he didn't even realize what Oikawa-san was going to do.</p><p>'Oikawa-san wouldn't hit me, right?'</p><p>So fucking naive.</p><p>He angrily munched on his lunch.</p><p> </p><p>When practice was about to start, Miwa appeared at the gym.</p><p>''TOBIIII''</p><p>The boy scowled immediately.</p><p>''Miwa-nee san??'' Hinata exclaimed (Miwa had asked them to call her that)</p><p>''Yo!'' She grinned happily ''I came to talk about Tobio's dyslexia with that one teached you mentioned so he could help me bring it up to the principal.''</p><p>''The punk's got dyslexia?'' Asked Coach Ukai to Kiyoko, at the side of the gym, the girl just nodded in response. ''Ah, you must be looking for Takeda, he'll be here soon.'' He then added, looking at the young woman, her resemblance to Tobio was almost scary.</p><p>The woman gave Tobio a knowing look, and Tobio looked like he wanted to vomit the Sanrio Iwaizumi lunch his sister had made.</p><p>As if it had been planned, Takeda-sensei entered the gym.</p><p>''You must be Takeda Ittetsu! Let me introduce myself, I'm Kageyama Miwa, Tobio's older sister.''</p><p>The teacher just nodded in response, looking at the taller woman in shock, it was almost as talking to a female, older Tobio.</p><p>She quickly explained the situation and both of them exited the gym.</p><p>At least one thing was being taken care of.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(One visit to the doctor later) And Tobio had been officially diagnosed with dyslexia, so now the school could actually help him.</p><p>Now he would need a tutor(which is now Tsukishima) and they would give him more time to do his tests, and now they couldn't mark his answers incorrectly if he misspelled any names, as long as the teacher could tell that he had studied.</p><p>After having that taken over, Tobio didn't really feel better, and he didn't feel angry or upset at his older sister either, he just felt... meh.</p><p>During the week, Miwa had spoken to him a lot, and she would always wait for him with dinner when he arrived from his extra practice with Hinata, ready to listen to him.</p><p>He had realized about the clothes piling up in his closet and the way that he wasn't following his routine so much.</p><p>It took him a lot of time to fall asleep and when he woke up he felt so tired...</p><p>He usually took pride on his self-care routines, which had been influenced by Kazuyo-san, who had told him about those type of things.</p><p>Taking care of his sleep, his nails, his eating schedule and more, he had always done it, he had only struggled a bit with it when Kazuyo-san had died, but he didn't think much of it.</p><p>And now, he just felt too tired to do that.</p><p>It would take him longer to fall asleep,it would take him longer to get outta bed and get some fucking clothes on, he would collapse on his bed immediately after eating and Miwa would have to go to tell him to go take a damn shower.</p><p>Everything felt like a burden, even keeping his eyes open tired him, but if he kept them closed then they started to water immediately.</p><p>Practice helped a little but it didn't feel that good anymore, it felt like he was obligated to do it, it felt almost like an assignment, instead of the relieving hours that helped him to feel better.</p><p>He would cry himself to sleep, besides from his sensitive eyes, he just felt awful, his throat was constricted, his head pounded and his eyes stung.</p><p>Maybe if he had been better.</p><p>Maybe if he had been a better son.</p><p>Maybe if he had been a better teammate.</p><p>Maybe if he had been a better brother.</p><p>Maybe if he had been a better person.</p><p>Maybe things would've been different.</p><p>If only he wasn't the king, if only he could be better.</p><p>He was trying, he really was! He wasn't pushing anyone around, he wasn't bothering his sister, he wasn't responding in a rude way anymore.</p><p>But it hurt so bad.</p><p>And he didn't want to do anything else. He just wanted to sleep, he just wanted to rest, he just wanted his brain to shut up and turn off, he just wanted to sleep for the rest of eternity.</p><p>His body felt heavy, his energy felt so low.</p><p>He just wanted to change.</p><p>He just wanted to stop being himself.</p><p>He just wanted for it to stop.</p><p>What did he want to stop?</p><p>He wasn't sure.</p><p>His hands trembled, he felt a rush of <strong>something</strong> on his veins as his arms spasmed, being fold backwards a bit, and his eyes closing as his body tried to get rid of the fuzzy feeling that had suddenly set on his arms.</p><p>When his body stopped, he closed his eyes tightly, his breating became a little bit quicker, his mind screaming.</p><p>Unconsiously, his right hand started to dig into the skin of his other arm, due to his nails being longer than usual, he had actually ripped of a little bit of skin.</p><p>His hand let his arm go and instead he covered himself better and he tried to muffle even more his sobs, as his body shook sighlty.</p><p>It was 3am, and he still couldn't sleep.</p><p>It was friday already, and after that day he would be able to rest properly, since it was a weekend.</p><p>His watery eyes let the tears fall even if his eyes were closed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He felt like he hadn't slept at all, his entire body felt heavy, and even with the loud alarm, his mind still felt fuzzy. </p><p>He knew that he had to get up, but even if he put all of his energy into it, it was like his body wouldn't obey his brain's commands, laying limp on his bed.</p><p>He heard the door opening, but he couldn't find the strength in his body to open his eyes.</p><p>''Tobio? Are you alright? You should have gotten up thirty minutes ago, your alarm woke me up!'' His sister said, she sounded worried.</p><p>''Miwa...I'm just so tired... I feel like I can't do anything...'' </p><p>He couldn't see his sister, but her eyes had widened in shock, Tobi would never miss practice unless it was absolutely necessary.</p><p>''Do you feel sick?'' She put her hand on his forehead to check his temperature. ''You don't seem to have a fever...''</p><p>She bit her lip, as Tobio opened his eyes slowly.</p><p>She turned of his alarm and then looked at him in the eye.</p><p>''Move a bit, give me space.'' She said, as the boy slowly turned to his right, getting next to his wall.</p><p>The young woman lifted the covers and she layed next to her brother.</p><p>''Your bed feels so comfy, I get why it would get difficult to get up.'' She murmured while turning to face her brother, who was staring at her tiredly.</p><p>''Is there anything you wanna talk about? Maybe the reason of why you've been so tired recently? Do you feel down because of... you know?'' She said carefully, as the boy closed his eyes.</p><p>''I know that I've been weird recently, but I don't know how to explain why I feel this way.'' His voice trembled a bit.</p><p>''Wanna talk about it?''</p><p>'I don't want to bother you, Miwa, and I don't feel like talking about it anyways.'</p><p>''No...''</p><p>He heard a little 'hmm' from Miwa, as the snuggled into the covers.</p><p>''Okay then.''</p><p>The boy allowed himself to relax as much as he could, even if he still felt bad, he didn't feel like telling his sister yet, and even if he tried, nothing coherent would come out, as the emotions piling up on his stomach were very difficult to describe.</p><p>He would fall asleep and then he would become sightly more aware of his surroundings, as if his brain was just resting a bit, it almost felt like he would pass out, and then he would regain some consciousness, just for his eyes to get tired again.</p><p>Miwa was worried about the boy, even if Tobio had managed to let some of his feelings out during the time that she'd stayed at their house, it was obvious that the boy still had a lot going on, and she didn't know what to do.</p><p>She was leaving in an hour and Tobio couldn't wake up and start the day properly yet, she knew shit about mental health and all of that, but... maybe Tobio had some mental illness going on?? It wouldn't be surprising, since Tobio is a person who could have very little self-control at times, it wouldn't surprise her.</p><p>'Maybe if I talk to him more often then he'd get over it?... No... I'll ask Alisa when I arrive today, she knows more about this.' It was probably for the best, Alisa came from a household where her parents cared a lot about her, and they'd actually helped her with some things that had been going on when she had some issues going on in highschool.</p><p>Miwa just sighed and then went to prepare a bath for her younger brother, then, she went to his room and shook his shoulder a bit, to which the boy responded with a groan.</p><p>''Tobi, go take a bath, I'll make you lunch in the meantime so please get up''</p><p>Tobio turned around and stared a her, he looked half-dead. </p><p>She helped him to sit up on his bed, and then she left to pack some things quickly before making lunch for him, after ten minutes had passed, she went to check if Tobio had gotten up already, he was still sitting on his bed, spacing out.</p><p>Without saying anything, she helped him to get up and she led him to the bathroom.</p><p>''Please get on the bath or I'll get you on there myself, you have to go practice, I bet your friends are worried about you'' she scolded him, to which he just scoffed that they weren't friends.</p><p>''Tobio, they came to sleepover at our home, you have extra practice with Hinata, that tall guy became your tutor voluntarily, they helped you figure out about to your dyslexia and they are willing to help you, why won't you understand already!? That's what friends and family do, they support each other unconditionally! The only reason why our parents never did so is because they were never family, that is why they left, because they were nothing but greedy assholes!''</p><p>''What about you then!?'' Miwa's eyes widened, at the pained yell of her brother. ''Why did you leave? Why didn't you talk to me?... aren't we family too?...'' </p><p>Miwa's lips trembled. ''I was stupid. I thought that you'd be okay without me, I thought that Kazuyo and volleyball was everything you needed, I got used to seeing you like that, so I forgot that you were and that you are still a child, Tobi.'' She took a deep breath. ''I know that I'm just another adult that was useless in your life, and I know that I'm trying to do better, but I need you to understand me too, and I need you to work this out with me, I can't help you if you don't allow me to.''</p><p>The silence grew louder, as both of them stared at the ground.</p><p>''When I arrive to Tokyo, I'll talk to Alisa about how am I suposed to help you, we are getting you fixed up in no time, okay?'' She smiled softly, and then went to the kitchen.</p><p>'Is there... something to fix in me?...' The boy stayed silent, and then he undressed to enter the bath.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Please read: miwa's views on mental health are very much ignorant so don't take what she said seriously, she is willing to get educated :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hinata had always considered himself to be a good company, a good friend that you could rely on.</p><p>Ever since he learned how to speak, he had done his best to make friends, because he truly believed that it was fun.</p><p>He enjoyed having company, and he enjoyed talking to several people at a time.</p><p>Growing up, people would misjudge him due to his enthusiastic personality, either thinking that he was stupid, ''innocent'', or that he couldn't feel any emotions besides from happiness.</p><p>And honestly, he was none of those things, Hinata got jealous a lot, he got angry and sad just like everyone else, but he chose to project his optimistic attitude towards other people, because he enjoyed doing so.</p><p>He liked helping people, because that's how he would like to be treated, so he wasn't a big fan of people who made others feel inferior.</p><p>That's why he had felt conflicted about the awkward piece of tall blueberry that was Kageyama Tobio.</p><p>The first time he'd seen him, he actually thought that his presence on the court was... interesting.</p><p>He looked authoritary, serious and very, veeeery angry.</p><p>But he was also really good at volleyball.</p><p>To Hinata, Kageyama was the person he had to surpass in order to be the best, because come on, he was way too awesome even when he acted like an asshole.</p><p>So he wasn't ready at all to see him on his first day of attending Karasuno, the school that was once the place where the tiny giant played.</p><p>Kageyama was a very complicated, and yet simple person.</p><p>He was blunt, agressive, prideful, intimidating, rude, and very skilled.</p><p>Yet, he was awkward, constantly confused, stupid, quiet, kinda insecure and shy.</p><p>His expressions were really easy to read, even if the boy thought that he was really good at masking his emotions, but as soon as he opened his mouth, everything that he felt came in a rush of words that could easily offend someone, even if he didn't mean to.</p><p>He learnt how to adjust to that part of Kageyama, usually letting him repeat what he just said so he could explain what he meant, or he would help Kageyama or talk for him when they were together outside of the court.</p><p>He found kind of funny the fact that he had to remind the tall boy of simple social cues that were very much easy to learn(at least for him).</p><p>Kageyama would just say what he thought without thinking of the implications, he was very honest, but at the same time, what he said could hurt someone, since he was actually very oblivious.</p><p>Like the time when Noya-san had wondered why he didn't have a girlfriend and everyone tried saying something, when it was Kageyama's turn he obliviously asked:</p><p>''Because you're short?'' </p><p>Hinata could tell that Noya-san was more offended at the fact that Kageyama didn't even do it to offend him, but that Kageyama genuinly thought that his height had to do with it.</p><p>(Faster than he would like to admit) Kageyama and him had become a very good duo, and he had grown fond of him, they would practice together, they would race, and they would make bets to spice things up a bit.</p><p>They were rivals and friends at the same time, and he enjoyed that so much, because even if one surpasses the other, they knew that it wasn't a reason to get mad, but a reason to continue growing in orded to keep improving.</p><p>And honestly, both of them had improved a lot in the time that they've been partners on the court.</p><p>And they didn't hold back, they would tell the other on what to improve, on what they had to work on or something that they had to learn.</p><p>Hinata was just waiting for Kageyama to trust him more, because he really wanted to know more about him, he wanted to be able to understand him better.</p><p>And he would be lying if he said that he wasn't curious about him, the entire team kind of was, since he was so honest and secretive at the same time.</p><p>Lately, everyone had noticed that Kageyama was going trough something serious, something so serious that he hadn't even showed up to practice to times in the span of a week.</p><p>This might sound exaggerated but we are talking about Tobio Kageyama a.k.a volleyball maniac.</p><p>Also, you could tell that he wasn't feeling well just by looking at him, he looked extremely tired, well, his eyes did, even if he still performed the same at practice.</p><p>There was just something weird in Kageyama's recent way of acting, and it was obvious for them that Tobio's family situation was terrible at this point, they had been worried of Kageyama being abused by his father, but if his father abused him, then it must've been verbally or mentally, since there were no bruises or discomfort on his body.</p><p>They really wanted to talk about it with him, but they didn't know how he would react nor whether or not he would answer.</p><p>They wanted to do it soon because they didn't want him to end up badly, also because they were worried.</p><p>Today, Hinata had to text Kageyama to please come to school to afternoon practice since they needed to measure some things for nationals, but Kageyama didn't answer.</p><p>He sighed and returned to class, where his friends were waiting for him.</p><p>...</p><p>After the bath, Tobio dressed up and went to the kitchen, were his sister was making lunch.</p><p>''Ah, Tobi, check your phone because I think that someone texted you.''</p><p>Tobio frowned and went to grab his phone, Hinata texted him to tell him that he had to show up to practice on the evening because they had something to do.</p><p>''It's Hinata, he just told me to make sure to come to practice.''</p><p>The woman hummed and then served his food.</p><p>''Well, I have to get going, call me after practice, try to talk to your friends, okay?''</p><p>Tobio nodded.</p><p>Miwa smiled and kissed his forehead. ''Good-bye Tobio~''</p><p>''Bye-bye...''</p><p>And then Miwa left.</p><p>He was alone in the house again.</p><p>'sigh.'</p>
  </div></div>
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